Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Do You Open Your Mouth To Change Feet?

I do. I have a couple of stories to share.

Opening mouth to change feet story 1.
Used to go to the soccer every second weekend and meet a mate and three of his mates. We all stood in the same place. Then he started coming with his girlfriend. I didn't like her. She gave me a hard time about not drinking, not singing enough, and generally not having a good time. I was having a good time but wanted her to lay off. In short, she was rather obnoxious.

At half time in one match my mate and his girlfriend went off to buy some beer. I turned around to the other guys and said, "I'd better watch out for because if he's rooting that he'll root anything."
Well, two of the three guys roared with laughter and nearly wet themselves. No joke, it was a full minute later that they were able to gather any sort of composure. The third guy then said to me, "That's my sister you're talking about."

Open the ground and swallow me up. Did I feel little or what? Then he added, "The only reason I haven't hit you already is because I hate the bitch too."

Things changed soon after this and his girlfriend is ok by me. These two are now married. And have a sprog. Don't hate me if you read this.

Opening mouth to change feet story 2.
Next story involved the conflict in Bosnia. I was working at a new gold mine site out bush and was in the TV room with a few other blokes just watching the news. They had a story about how the Bosnians had no weapons and the Americans wouldn't allow them to arm themselves for self defence.

Big mouth here piped up with, "Why don't this just give guns to everybody and then they can keep half of each other and at least the problem with be half sorted out?"
Guy sitting nearby turned to me and said, "My family is over there caught up in all of this."

I felt even smaller than my other off-the-cuff remark previously mentioned. Needless to say I avoided this bloke at all cost until the job was finished. He looked like he wanted to kill me.

Having successfully changed feet I now keep my mouth shut. Until the next opportunity, that is.


Nick Souter said...

have you ever tried keeping your eyes open when you sneeze? (I did once, take my advice, don't try it!)

Hammy said...

Yes I have and it wasn't pretty. Either you stop the sneeze altogether or it comes in one horrendous rush and is very messy.

What has it got to do with anything though?

Nick Souter said...

nothing, didn't actually read the post, just the heading (too long, sorry, I've a short attention span)