Thursday, April 30, 2015

Six-Word Short Story

My son mentioned to me today that in English they had been studying six-word short stories. This style of writing has, rightly or wrongly, been attributed to Ernest Hemingway.

For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.

Or so the story goes. Some examples that his class came up with, or found on the Net, are as follows:

- Sorry soldier, shoes only in pairs.
- You are a failed artist, Adolf.
- Life is hard. Concrete is harder.

It got me thinking. Dangerous, I know. Here's some I came up with:

- Short sentence. Jailed for one day.
- Bali executions. Got their just desserts.
- Verbose people can't tell short stories.
- Nepalese life - I shudder to think.
- I cut a long story short.
- Memory loss. What was I thinking?
- Most vampires are nasty little suckers.
- My stomach is like the TARDIS.
- No single rooms in love hotels.
- No light bulb moments before Edison.

Think of any you'd like to share?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Don't Mess With The Little Guy You Big, Ugly Electricity Utility

Had a couple of fights picked with the electricity utility of late. One with a property that was recently sold and the second was with at the new place with a new solar installation.

First off, the old place. We were on self-read as the meter box was inside the locked property due to an extension which encapsulated the meter. No probs, been like that for years. When we vacated the property the electricity usage dropped noticeably. Obviously. The property wasn't on the market for long and during the period set aside for settlement I had to provide a reading. Duly noted the value and instead of using the phone service to register it I decided to complete an online form. The form notified me of an issue, namely the usage was lower than anticipated. So I commented that the property had been vacated. Soon after I received my bill with the usage as I had recorded.

Come the day before settlement. I advised, by phone, that the property was being sold the next day (13/2) at lunchtime and I wished to have a final reading of the meter done so that I could close the account. No probs and the utility and I read the meter in the late afternoon and took photos of the meter with date, time and usage.

And a bloody good thing too as it was only 2 kWh of usage since the previous reading. The bill came in for 140 kWh of usage. Excuse me! On 27/3 I spoke with the utility and explained the situation. I was informed that the usage must have been estimated. Well, that was a no-brainer as it was behind a locked door. Thank you, Captain Obvious. I explained that I had photos to show the reading and offered to send them. No need, they'd get the electricity network supplier to check except for a rule that stated a bill wouldn't be reviewed unless there was an error greater than 200 kWh. Fine, but I didn't care about their rules as I had all the proof necessary and wanted to speak to someone higher. She spoke to her supervisor and advised that they'd contact the network supplier to see if they'd recheck and she'd put the bill on hold for three weeks.

Fast forward to 13/4 and I receive a revised bill. Wow. Only they still wanted to charge me for 122 kWh of consumption. Bastards. Rang them as soon as I arrived home. The lady I spoke to this time was unable to assist and advised that a supervisor would call me within two days. And she had the nerve to ask if she'd answered my questions to my satisfaction.

Worse was to come. I also received the bill for the new house. It was an astronomical bill for 1161 kWh of consumption with a credit of $1.86 for exported electricity from my solar array. The solar array was 4 kW in size and had been installed and switched on nine days into the 58 days billing period.

This time the lady was most unhelpful and completely lacked understanding. I said that my meter read 1161 kWh on the day of the reading, as I had actually recorded the reading that day, but it didn't take into consideration that that was a cumulative value on the meter for some 18 months or so since installation date. I'd paid my bill only two months before and for this bill they wanted the entire reading for the life of the meter. The stupid person couldn't understand this. I said that I expected my consumption to have been about 470 kWh during that time. Then I mentioned that the 26 kWh that I had exported should be more like 700 or 800 kWh as my solar array had output 997 kWh during that time. For some reason my bill shows 787 kWh as a starting value when the installation took place after the billing period commenced. It made no sense at all.

By my reckoning I'd been overcharged by $163.45 and I'd been shortchanged about $50 in rebate for exporting (I produce more than I consume during the day). It was very frustrating dealing with a customer service operator who doesn't understand the bill nor the mechanics of the product being sold and who continued with that stance.

OK, today I received a call from a supervisor. She got me to check the meter at the new house and it showed I have exported 950 kWh since installation and she could see from the records that installation had taken place on a date after the last billing period commenced. I checked the usage reading too and reported it. Most logical explanation is that the meter hadn't been read correctly and human error was to blame. If I didn't mind she'd request a reread of the meter and waive the $19.65 fee associated with that as it wasn't my error. No probs. Better yet, she believed my recollection of events, probably as I constantly offered to send the photos of the meter, regarding the old house and offered to waive the whole bill which saved me $47.25 when I'd only been looking for a credit of $30 which is what I had been overcharged.

There it is. Even if you are a big, ugly electricity utility you shouldn't mess with a frugal bastard. Especially one who has recorded his electricity consumption and output and had photographic evidence to prove it. Well, I was pretty indignant that an expensive solar array would still lead to an increase of $160 in the bill instead of a sizeable reduction. Oh, and make sure you have a customer service representative that knows the product.