Sunday, September 30, 2007

Senseless Property Damage Ruins My Day

It was lovely to have the day to myself yesterday. I worked in the morning and then did the fruit and veg shopping before returning home to cook a BBQ lunch prior to settling in to watch the AFL grand final. Ok, so my team wasn't playing but that doesn't matter. I love football. Geelong ended up belting Port Adelaide by a record 119 points, and I had picked Port to win, and broke their 44 year premiership drought.

After the footy we all did some gardening. I thought I heard some noisy yahoos out the front and wondered if I should lock the front door. Walked around the front of the house and noticed the mailbox on a strange angle and two roadside trees had been damaged.

Mailbox damage.

Another angle of the mailbox damage.

Tree damage.

A second tree was damaged also.

I was pretty wild after that and called the local ranger. Not that they can do a lot about it. Miky went for a walk to see if anyone else was affected and it was just our property. It really makes me wonder if we are being targeted. If I get my hands on whoever did this I'll ring their bloody neck.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Simone Warne - Is Anyone Surprised?

A few months back Shane Warne, international cricketer and sleaze, and his wife Simone, blonde with big tits, split up. They'd been married for about 10 years and he'd been caught being unfaithful. Logically you would split. She dumped him and quite rightly so.

This lasted a while but then the women's magazines were talking about a reconciliation. The words "dumb" and "bitch" immediately sprang to mind. But, get back together they did. Is anyone surprised that he's been caught again? And the first thing Simone did was run to the women's mags to blab about it. I'm afraid that she's caught up in how important she thinks everyone else thinks her scandalous husband is. The money can't be too bad. She's trying very hard to be the celebrity when she's not in that field. Heck, she's only famous because she was married to Warne in the first place. Why on earth did she get back together with him in the first place? And will we ever hear the end of her "Poor me" story?

I don't feel sorry for you. I think you have shown the world how stupid you can be and it's time to get control of your life and keep it out of the headlines.
The Ring

Met the missus for lunch yesterday, as planned. The ring wasn't quite ready when we arrived at the shop so we went for lunch first. Miky thought that the restaurant would be quiet, being a Thursday, but pensioners receive a special discount on Thursdays so the place was quite packed. Not that it was loud and full of yahoos though.

Back to the jeweller's shop. The ring was there. It looked magnificent. The saleslady asked me how I wished to pay for it, after I had handed over my credit card, to which I replied, "As slowly as possible." She ripped it through the EFTPOS machine and said that she would make it, "Quick and painless."

Then we wandered down to SeoulMart so that Miky could buy some thinly sliced beef for a Korean BBQ for tea. I said that I was going to the bus stop to go back to work but I really planned to go to a florist. I ducked off, found a nice bouquet, and had them delivered.

The flowers went down well. It's only taken me 10 years to learn but I'm getting there.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Tenth Anniversary

It's our tenth anniversary today. I think we've done rather well. From the moment I met my wife I knew she was the one. It must have had something to do with the fact that she spoke to me and didn't ignore me like all the other women.

We married after knowing each other for less than a year so to mark up 10 years we must have done something right. I don't know if the poor girl knew what she was getting into. She obviously saw some potential there and, to be truthful, has realised some of it. I never thought that we were rushing into anything but it all seemed to fall into place quite easily.

For a pleasant change we will meet in the city today to have lunch. Then it's a visit to the parole officer, er, the bank manager, to take take out that second mortgage so that I can pay for the ring we're going to pick up. I must say that the missus has deserved it. Ten years of putting up with me and she probably deserves a medal. I'm guessing that with murder and good behaviour she could be let out now so I'd better ask her if she's made the right choice.

Anyway, better go. Have to rewrite a Christmas card as an anniversary card because I haven't bought one and because I have a reputation to uphold.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

What Do You Do When The Law Enforcers Break The Law?

In this country it is illegal to use a mobile phone whilst driving. The studies show that you are four times more likely to have an accident in this situation. Those figures probably relate to just talking on the mobile. I've seen numerous people texting whilst on the freeway. That opens my eyes.

You can imagine how astounded I was yesterday to see a police divisional van pull into the police headquarters with the driver on his mobile phone. There were at least two passengers and everyone was in a uniform. Karl O'Callahan, our police commissioner, this is something you should hear about. Three law enforcement officers with one breaking the law and two doing nothing about it. What is the common man supposed to do in this situation?
Email Material

I don't generally publish material from others but thought that this was good enough to share with the world. So, I'm not taking any credit for writing this - it's just something funny that came via email.

2007 Australian Citizenship Test

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ____
b) You're going home in the back of a ___
c) Fair crack of the ______
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring-your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
22. What does “Sinkin’ piss at a mate’s joint and getten’ para” mean?

You may copy your mates answers, please submit this back to me when you have had a fair old crack.
You must have a pass rate of 45%

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Australian Red Cross Blood Service Slogan Versus Sperm Bank Slogan

The Australian Red Cross Blood Service has an interesting slogan;

"It takes someone special to donate blood."

Now I'm assuming that the Sperm Bank slogan would go something like this;

"You don't need to be special to donate sperm. Any old wanker can do it."

Did anyone mention discrimination issues here?

Monday, September 24, 2007

WAFL Grand Final 2007

I'd been promising to take the boy to the footy for some time and had been disappointed at not being able to get tickets to an AFL match when my team, the Bombers, had been in town recently on two occasions. I've never been to a local match, the WAFL (Western Australian Football League), but the grand final seemed like the ideal opportunity to break that duck.

I bought tickets online, so that we would be assured of seats and because it was the last game of football in Perth this year, and we sat behind the goals at the city end. Not a bad spot. Only place better would be on the side of the ground. It meant that jobs around the house had to be done early so there was a bit of blue-arsed fly action happening. Had to go to Subiaco for the fruit and veg shopping before the match, and to pick up the tickets, when I saw Scott Watters, the Subiaco coach, at an ATM that was closed. I thought to myself, "Is that an omen?" Was going to say, "Good luck today Scotty," but I never thought much of him as a player for the Eagles or the Dockers. And he's a bit of a drip on the TV.

As the tickets included public transport the boy and I took the train. This allowed us to stop off in the city and buy something for lunch before getting on the train again to go to Subiaco. Managed to catch the last ten minutes of the reserves grand final and that was a draw! Quite exciting. They played extra time and Subiaco beat East Fremantle by 15 pts. I'd say there were only 2-3000 spectators to see the end of that match.

It was a beautiful day, in the sun. The boy didn't bring his jacket and so I had to give him mine. That left me with only a t-shirt and it was freezing.

By the start of the WAFL grand final there were more than 10000 spectators. I chose Subiaco Lions by 8 pts and the boy chose Claremont Tigers by 9 pts. It wasn't a good start for his as Subi kicked four goals and four behinds in the first quarter and Claremont didn't even score. He resorted to hiding his head inside my jacket after that.

Half decent crowd

Claremont kicked five goals in the second quarter but Subi kicked another four. It wasn't a bad game but Subiaco played much better as a team and ran out the game. They ended up winning by 41 points. And I tell you, it was lovely when the sun finally reached us in the grandstand somewhere towards the end of the third quarter.

Action in the middle of the ground

Go the punch

Good mark by David Mapleston from Subiaco

It wasn't a level playing field

Our view

After the match we went down to ground level to watch the presentation and get a photo of the premiership cup being carried around the ground. And guess when the battery of my camera decided to go flat? You guessed it, just as the cup was coming towards us. I managed to change batteries but not before the damage was done.

The premiership cup

Friday, September 21, 2007

Bird Vs Cat

This morning on the way to work I heard a snapping sound coming from the trees across the road. Having a look I spotted a bird buzzing a cat. Obviously the cat was close to the bird's nest. When I took my camera out the bird stopped buzzing the cat. Put the camera away and it started again. I did this another three times and on the fourth occasion I managed to get a short video.

The video should show up soon on Youtube - has to be processed first.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Your Shout - Coz The Drinks Are On You

On Tuesday night we had a work dinner so that our project team could meet some of the people we are working for. I hadn't met any of our counterparts before but knew their names. The meal was at Queen's in Mt Lawley. Nice pub and great food and it was fairly busy, at least for a Tuesday night.

Our project secretary (PS) sat at the end of the table. About 20 minutes into the night a waitress came with a tray of large beers. She leaned over behind the PS who then started to talk. Now, our PS talks with her hands a lot. One of her hands hit the tray that the waitress was holding and three beers went down the back of a man seated behind her. He was not impressed but it was lucky that he was wearing a jacket. I don't think I saw one person from his group crack a smile all night. And his wife, I'm assuming it was his wife, was barking at the waitstaff about drycleaning etc. She was like a dog that has been on a chain for too long. For the safety of our PS, and that of others, we moved down the table a little to let her move away from the other group.

Lethal weapons should always be registered.

In the morning I prepared a registration form for a dangerous weapon - our PS's hands. I believe that she should have them registered as a dangerous weapon. At least she saw the funny side of it.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Spot The Scam

Interesting email I received today;

Westpac Online limited access - Urgent Notice UN385

Dear Westpac Online customer,

Your access to Westpac Online account has been temporarily suspended due to multiple unsuccessful login attempts.
Protecting the security of your account and of the Westpac Bank network is our primary concern. Therefore, as a preventative measure, we have temporarily limited access to sensitive Westpac Online account features.

To restore your account please follow the link below:

Click here.

Thank you for your co-operation
Westpac Bank Security Department.

Please do not reply to this confirmation email as your response will not be received.


Interesting on a few accounts, if you'll pardon the pun. One, the email address - noreply@..... Yes, that really looks official. Two, I don't even have an account with Westpac. Did anyone else spot this as a scam? Don't get sucked in people and suffer from identity theft with Internet banking. And definitely do not click on the link contained in such emails. A bank will not contact you in this manner should your account, if you have one, becomes suspended.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Once Again The ALP Doesn't Tell The Whole Story

The Australian Labor Party are pretty good at not telling the whole truth, aren't they? Smarmy Kevin Rudd, leader of the ALP, is running a campaign to eventually lead to him becoming Australian prime minister in 2007. It even comes with the catchy, if a little tacky, slogan of "Kevin 07".

KEVIN07 T-shirt

At least he's not licensed to kill. But what worries me is the fact that the whole story isn't being told. Where is the rest of the slogan which relates to his deputy, Julia Gillard? I know what it is:

"Gillard. In a milliard!"

Perhaps I should tip off the current prime minister, John Howard. He's such a cool and happening dude he may use this information to flame the Labor Party.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Contrasting Bus Drivers

Yesterday arvo I had a meeting sprung on me that went way over time. I ended up working an hour later than planned. Luckily there was a stack of buses, about seven or so, heading to the bus stop and the last one in the queue was one that I wanted to catch. When I caught up to the bus he still hadn't reached the bus stop due to the number of buses in front. I gestured to the driver to let me on and he just pointed to the bus stop. Playing by the rules I guess so not much wrong with that.

This morning I was walking to the bus stop and gas-bagging to my mum. "Oh, bugger," I said as I'd noticed the bus coming to the traffic lights which are about 100m before the bus stop, "There goes my bus." I didn't even motion to the driver but continued talking until I noticed the driver had put the indicator on. There was no-one else at the bus stop so he was pulling in for me. So I did the right thing and ran after the bus and thanked him very much. I had resigned myself to waiting for the next bus but that would have been rude to convey to the driver. At least it gave me time to blog about it before starting work.

Talk about a contrast in bus drivers' attitudes.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Sports Day 2007 - What A Day

My boy's primary school had their annual Faction Carnival (Sports Day) yesterday. It's early spring over here and probably not a bad time to have it. At great expense to the management I took the day off work. I told them that I'd be coming in on Saturday instead but the truth is I would have worked Saturday anyway.

It was a beautiful morning and I arrived early to help with setting up. Working all the time I never get to help out at school so this was some service that I could offer. It entailed putting out some plastic sheets, hammering in marker flags, erecting a couple of gazebos and bringing out a BBQ for the sausage sizzle later on. A few other parents came along and I at least found someone that I knew. Getting to meet the PE teacher and the headmaster was nice.

The boy setting up my seat - Sports Day 2007

Expecting some rain they changed to programme somewhat so that the events that were required to choose the team for inter school races were run. The day started off well with a few sprints and Yu-Jin gained a third place in his 50m race. He was also involved in tunnelball, a bean bag relay, tug of war and over and under - his team came first in this event. He picked up a second for the tug of war which wasn't bad considering there were 23 competitors on his side and 30 for the opposition.

Third place getter - Sports Day 2007

First place getter - Sports Day 2007

We did have a rain interruption which sent the kids under cover for about 10 minutes. When approximately half of the total events, and nearly all of the running events, were completed it started pouring. And this was after Mrs Meeko assured us that it wasn't going to rain. I don't think that she is going to live that prediction down for a while. I sat in my chair under my rug and umbrella and not getting wet. The same can't be said about the other spectators.

The rest of the day was spent under shelter and lunch was called. When it was clear that the rain wasn't going to let up the day was called off trophies were presented. We were able to go home early and it was only about 1:30. Sorry, but I wasn't prepared to help pack up as it was still raining.

Pouring rain - Sports Day 2007

People getting drenched - Sports Day 2007

As I had the afternoon at home what better thing to do than fix the front door mortise lock. I had received my replacement screws so that the handle wouldn't fall off any more. I had instructions that the screws must go all the way through the door furniture. Grabbed my drill and started drilling after disassembling the lock somewhat. Drilling was more difficult once the metal was reached and then the door latch became wedged. It was after this that I realised the mortise lock was probably buggered. Rang the door handle guy and he told me this. Even though I had followed his instructions, he'd forgotten to mention the part about removing the mortise lock completely before drilling, he wasn't prepared to take any blame. Another phone call to abuse my builder for the slack carpenter that he had employed which set this all off and then I phoned the door company. Now Rocky, from Goodman Doors in O'Connor, suggested bringing the buggered lock to his shop and he would exchange it for a display item. Bloody champion. Door was fixed in no time and works like a bought one.

Next item on the agenda was replacing the lamp in the boy's room. It appears that the lamp got super hot when it popped and melted against the plastic batten. I couldn't unscrew it and then put a lot of pressure on it. Guess what? It then shattered in my hand sending glass all over the room and cutting my hand in a few places. Ended up removing the remainder with a set of pliers - power off, of course. Worst nightmare when changing a light. Not too much damage done though. I'll live.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Quiet Fathers Day

It was a quiet Fathers Day this year. Mainly because everybody else in the house forgot that it was Fathers Day. Even though the boy had made me a card at school two days before he thought that it was the following weekend. He did make me some Bart Simpson toast for brekkie and the missus made me a cup of tea. Not all bad.

Read the paper a bit, did the fruit and veg shopping, cleaned the house, played soccer with the boy for an hour in the park (he has some skill especially when it comes to slotting goals from an angle) and that was about it. Miky wanted to get some special meat from Seoul Mart in the city. It was frozen very thinly sliced beef which takes seconds to cook in a fry pan. Lovely stuff. A very enjoyable meal. Then the boy and I watched the last of the Osaka World Athletics Championships. The women's high jump was exciting and there was a high quality field. Pity that the long-standing world record didn't go as it was under serious threat.