Car Accident on Albany Highway

The Boy went for a bike ride yesterday afternoon. He came home all excited telling me that footpath at Albany Highway in front of the Mazda dealership was blocked for him and that there were police cars, firetrucks and an ambulance in attendance. He was amazed to see a bumper just sitting on the road and informed me that I had to have a look. Jumped on my bike and trundled over there.

Bumper - doesn't look any special

Wow - not what I was expecting to see

This guy must've been clipped by the 4WD

Next morning it's all been cleaned up

Couldn't resist taking a few photos. Looks like nobody was seriously hurt. Not too difficult to speculate about what happened. I'd say that perhaps the 4WD owner clipped the other car, when one of the them was changing lanes, and mounted the kerb and rails getting airborne just enough to get halfway over two cars that were for sale. Lucky not to hit a pedestrian or people looking to buy used cars. And they would have been driving at 60 km/h at this point.

These memes, and more, at Just Taking The Piss, Mate.

Don't Mess With The Man With The Shoulder Of Steel

Something unusual happened yesterday. I discovered that I had a shoulder of steel. It all started so innocently in Subiaco with the fruit and veg shopping. There was sufficient time after the shopping to go to the post office before my appointment with the chiropractor. Only 30 minutes so I had no time to dilly dally as the post office was some distance away. As I approached the Rokeby Road and Roberts Road intersection the little man turned green to cross. Knowing that I would have to wait at least two minutes, which I could ill-afford, I started running to get to the intersection. It was shortly after I emerged from behind a coffee shop building that I noticed a cyclist bearing down on me at perhaps 40 km/h. He was pretty mobile. I didn't have time to dodge him and he smacked right into my left shoulder. I did have an image of getting hit by the wheel or having a clash of heads, which wouldn't have done me any good as he was wearing a helmet, the split second before impact so there was a little bit of concern for my welfare.

Well, I must be built like Iron Man, we watched Iron Man 2 last night, coz I took the cyclist out completely with a hip and shoulder. Ok, he only ran into my shoulder. He went sprawling and lay on the ground for a while. I managed to stay upright the whole time. I asked him if he was alright as he lay there and if he needed a hand up. His response was that he was a bit winded but ok and he admitted to going a bit fast fast but that I had been running also. I didn't bother to mention that he wasn't riding in the bike lane which would have given me more time to pull up and avoid the collision. I didn't need to as I was in one piece and I'd just taken him out although his momentum was much greater than mine. Shoulder of Steel. Don't mess with it. We hugged and had a laugh about it as no one was seriously hurt. It was an awkward minute or so waiting for the little green man to reappear whilst he put his bike back together.

When I got home and started relaying the information about my big collision my missus thought that I'd crashed her car so she started to get very upset. No sense of humour my wife. Told my takewondo instructor that my balance must be getting better as I'd managed to stay upright. That was about 15 minutes before I fell flat on my arse in front of the class whilst trying to do a spinning kick. Not half as funny as the comment from one of the students who yelled out, "Yo!" instead of "Yes, sir!" when it was time to collect his card from the instructor who subsequently gave him 40 pushups.

Went shopping later and it was interesting to see the people get out of my way as I wandered about. Perhaps they've heard about the new Mr Invincible and his Shoulder of Steel.

Ford Tough - But a Ruined Christmas Holiday Anyway

I saw a strange sight on the way to work this morning. There was a car parked on the roundabout at the entrance to the city. Not something you see every day. I thought, initially, that it was a Holden Commodore and that it had just crumbled. Later, during my lunchtime walk, I discovered that it was a Ford Falcon. Obviously must have struck the palm tree with some great force.

Pity that it was a Ford. Otherwise the idiot that stole it, I'm making an assumption here, might not have been seeing in the new year and wasting more oxygen. It could have been someone driving their own car, drunk, and crashed it. Notice the "This vehicle has been reported..." sticker. Judging by the number plate it's a, or was, a pretty new vehicle.

That's ruin your Christmas holidays, whichever way you look at it.

That'd ruin your Christmas holidays.

Bit of a bingle.

Golfer Loses Arm To Alligator Whilst Playing

A golfer in his 70s has lost an arm after being attacked by an alligator. It certainly brings a few thoughts to my mind.

- Was this at some "crazy golf" course?
- Were the "Do Not Enter The Water" signs out of order?
- Which arm was torn off? It's probably the greatest excuse for a golfer to purchase new sticks. "Honey, I need a new set of clubs. That alligator took off my right arm and I'm left handed so I can't play with my clubs anymore."
- What sort of water hazard was it - lateral, casual, teethed?
- I see that his golfing buddies rescued him. I hope they managed to finish the round. There's nothing worse than paying for 18 holes and not being able to complete them. No matter how bad my game is. Ruins a good round.
- What sort of score did he have for the hole - g8r perhaps?
- Was he drinking Gatorate, er, Gatorade at the time?
- I guess if he goes back to golfing then he'll need to attend the Jack Newton Junior Golf Foundation.
Some blokes will do anything to increase their handicaps. They're known as sharks, generally. Not gators.
And to think that the golfers would have been concerned about the bite in the wind if it had been a bit chilly that day.

Heart and soul, and a bit of finger

Late last night my sleep was disturbed. I'd started work early so hit the sack around 10. My missus came into the room in a state of shock. She'd been cutting up chinese cabbage to make kimchi and chopped the end of her finger. Not that she was in a lot of pain but there was a bit of blood coming out. We cleaned it up a bit and put some bandaids on it to hold the skin on.

About an hour later same thing. Well, she was still in shock about it bleeding, I guess. We changed the bandaids but I commented that she had some elastoplast-type bandaids, which pull at your skin when you remove them, and that she should change them. Bandaged her up this time so there should be less issues when changing the dressing.

Funny thing was that she could laugh about it. I said that I loved her more seeing as there was only 99.85% of her to love. She would nearly be able to park in disabled spaces for the next couple of weeks. I told her that she'd invented meatlovers kimchi instead of the vegetarian variety - just add chinese cabbage, salt, chili powder and a bit of finger. You know, the sort of stupid things that flow so easily off my tongue.

She'll live. But talk about putting body and soul into your work.

The Money Or Your Life

In a robbery the thieves often use the threat, "Your money or your life!" Well, they do in the movies. I didn't think that the term was used during rescue operations but that appears to be the case with Morgan Freeman recently. Or so ninemsn informs us.

Rescue the cash not the actor

I hear that he is expected to make a full recovery. The cynic in me suspects that he will then make a movie about it.

Melbourne Tram Company 1 : Richmond Football Club 0

Alternative title - Polak Pole-axed.

The game - Chicken
The scene - Melbourne tram line
The scoreline - MTC 1: RFC 0
The loser - Graham Polak

Very recently, Graham Polak, of the Richmond Football Club, was involved in a nasty incident. Normally Richmond footballers after going out on the piss use the local cop shop as a lavatory. But after a night out it appears that Polak had an accident with a tram in Melbourne only metres from his home.

Due to swelling of the brain, obviously he didn't have a footballer's brain or this would be no cause for concern, he was placed in an induced coma. This accident, strangely, occurred at the start of a mid-season break. Normally, footballers get comatose in the off-season - Chad Fletcher is a prime example.

Thankfully he has come out of the coma and has opened his eyes. He responds to questions with squeezing of hands and that is a good sign. I'm sure his coach will be in to see the doctor and ask, "Will he ever play football at the highest level?"
And if the doctor responded with, "Yes, he will," then I'd expected the coach to say, "Well, he couldn't before he went into a coma."

Get well Graham. I wouldn't wish this on too many people. Not even Richmond supporters can take being beaten by the Melbourne Tram Drivers.

Suck Shit, Arsehole

We interrupt this family-oriented blog to bring you a newsflash.

Newsflash - Known idiot crashes his car.

Sight of the year!! Driving away from the city today along Shepperton Road near the intersection with Oats Street and what did I spy? It was a white ute, the type that is becoming popular with young males with too much testosterone, on the wrong side of the road. On its roof. There were two tow trucks, an ambulance, couple of police cars, an unmarked police car and a few fire engines in attendance. Some skid marks leading up to the traffic island separating the two streams of traffic which finished 10-15 metres prior to the position of the ute indicate to me that the driver was doing a runner from police when he did something rather silly.


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Boy, is that few moments of stupidity going to cost him. Not only is there quite a bit of damage to his pride and joy, not to mention his ego, but there will be a police record for dangerous driving, trying to evade police, etc and double demerit points as it is a holiday season and unsafe driving is punished more severely than normal.

I've seen this guy out the front of my house with his vehicle leaving the road only to rip up the grass/sand with a burnout before lurching back onto the road to make his getaway. His number plate looks familiar.

The best way I can sum up the situation is "Suck shit, arsehole."

We shall now return you to your normal programming.

Election Omen?

Taking the boy to music school this morning and we noticed the Mitchell Freeway heading from the city northwards was blocked off. Very unusual and lots of traffic was building. I found out a short time later on the news that there was a fatal accident where one man had died. In front of Parliament House. And it's the day of the federal election. What does that mean, if anything?

It's not as if parliament dies. Maybe it means that the Labor Party will take office. Yes, the parliament would be pretty dead then. Or is it that the Liberals will retain power with all of their dead wood? Buggered if I know. I don't know who will win the election either. It'll be a landslide to Labor or a very narrow win. Either way, Kim Beazley is sure to come out and say that he could have won the election. Bound to happen.

Your Shout - Coz The Drinks Are On You

On Tuesday night we had a work dinner so that our project team could meet some of the people we are working for. I hadn't met any of our counterparts before but knew their names. The meal was at Queen's in Mt Lawley. Nice pub and great food and it was fairly busy, at least for a Tuesday night.

Our project secretary (PS) sat at the end of the table. About 20 minutes into the night a waitress came with a tray of large beers. She leaned over behind the PS who then started to talk. Now, our PS talks with her hands a lot. One of her hands hit the tray that the waitress was holding and three beers went down the back of a man seated behind her. He was not impressed but it was lucky that he was wearing a jacket. I don't think I saw one person from his group crack a smile all night. And his wife, I'm assuming it was his wife, was barking at the waitstaff about drycleaning etc. She was like a dog that has been on a chain for too long. For the safety of our PS, and that of others, we moved down the table a little to let her move away from the other group.

Lethal weapons should always be registered.


In the morning I prepared a registration form for a dangerous weapon - our PS's hands. I believe that she should have them registered as a dangerous weapon. At least she saw the funny side of it.

Lexus Smash On Albany Highway This Morning

Being a Saturday I drove in to work early this morning. I received a bit of a shock on Albany Highway when I came across the wreck of a Lexus. There were a few people around and I parked my car to see if my help was needed. All you could smell from at least 50 metres away was oil.

As I arrived at the scene I noticed a guy on a mobile calling for emergency services. Then I saw legs and boots hanging out from where the car door should be. And they weren't moving. I've done first aid before but my mind was a bit blank. My first thought was about danger - DRABC. The traffic was minimal. The guy with the mobile was talking to the driver, explaining that he had been in an accident and that he shouldn't move as he may have broken bones. About one to two minutes later the driver moved the sun shade out of the way and got out of the car. He didn't have to move much wreckage as the whole top of the car was exposed. When asked if anyone else was in the car he said that there was a friend. No-one else was in the car but the passenger side door didn't have a scratch on it so it is feasible that a passenger was there and had left.

Amazing. This guy walked away from the car! The airbag on the drivers side had inflated, his car seat appeared broken, almost nothing was left of the drivers side of the car but he walked away! Another thing that struck me was the smell of alcohol surrounding the car. I cleaned about four broken beer bottles away from the only lane of the road not blocked so that traffic could pass by.

About a minute later he was about to do a runner. The guy with the mobile was quite upset with the driver and told him to sit down. These two nearly came to blows as the driver was in a hurry to leave the scene. Quite understandable if he was drunk. The mobile phone guy yelled at the driver, "If you get up again I will put you down again!" There was no way that this guy was doing a Ben Cousins.

Two ambulances and three or four fire engines/vehicles then arrived and it was time to head off to work. If the driver had been seriously hurt I would have been able to offer assistance but he wasn't too badly hurt.

Passenger side of Lexus.

It looks like the Jaws of Life have already been used but that's not the case.

No need to open the door to get out.

Hardly a scratch on the passenger side.

She's a totalled Lexus alright.

How on earth did the driver walk away from this?

Bit of damage to a fence before trying to take out the building.


Apologies for the images but my camera is no good in the dark and I've had to fiddle with some of the exposures and doctor the pictures to show you the carnage. He's a lucky man. Apart from the damage to the shop that he'll have to pay for, the clean-up bill, the emergency services to pay for and the fact that, if drunk, his insurance company won't be paying for these or his Lexus, he got off lightly. And the Lexus is not a cheap car. The guy was an African so it appears that he had a nice car to show off to the ladies but that's not the case any more.

It appears that he was heading out of the city in a southern direction on Albany Highway. There are some deep tyre marks as he left the road some 15-20 metres before hitting the fence and then colliding with the building on the left hand side of the road. The impact appears to have flung the car about 6-10 metres back onto the road. Two witnesses said to me that they were in a building across the road and heard an almighty crash and came out to investigate. I don't know if the car flipped but I'm surprised at how one side sustained so little damage.

But the driver walked away. I hope he bought a Lotto ticket.

***** POSTSCRIPT *****

Here's the report of this accident on News.com.au - the same article as appeared in the Sunday Times.