A New Batch of Memes

Are there positions vacant or not?

Australian Selectors - Y U No Have Agar Opening?

Edward Snowden - Winston Churchill paraphrased

Existence of God to be pondered

Gangrenous Poem

Inconsiderate driver

Like queuing at Wimbledon - Could be waiting a while

Which part of no parking can't you understand, mat?

Who's Been Dumbed - The Cricketer, The Journalist or The Editor?

You've got to wonder if proofreading skills are utilised by journalists at all nowadays. If you get dropped from a team you have been "dumped", not dumbed. I think the journalist just dumbed-down his writing skills.

Who's the dumb one - the cricketer or the journalist?

Richie Benaud Would Have Been Excited

Could imagine that Richie Benaud would have been wetting himself in excitement at this scoreline.

Not On John Howard's Watch

I can't get over the fact that Australia has only the 10th best T20 side in international cricket. Out of 11 teams! This would never have been allowed to happen on John Howard's watch. Time to dig him up and get him ready for the next election.

Not on John Howard's watch

ODI Australia vs England Feb 6th 2011

I was lucky enough to be invited to attend the ODI between Australia and England at the WACA on Sunday. It was the final match in the series and with Australia already leading 5-1 they rested a star (Shane Watson) and a non-star (Michael Clarke). I was hopeful that there would be some young talent on display due to the two vacancies. England had their own injury concerns and were down a few stars. Cricinfo has the result here.

Had a great spot in the Willow Lounge in the Prindiville Stand so the day was very well catered for. The view of the pitch was excellent also. I thought that the Aussies batted too slowly early on and were 15~20 runs short of par with their total of 279. David Hussey and Adam Voges, who must have told his wife that he was playing golf to allow him to play for his country, put on a great partnership and got Australia back into the game.

England started badly, with Shaun Tait bowling a beast of a delivery to Andrew Strauss second ball, and then lost another wicket in the following over. Just when it looked like Kevin Pietersen, whom I considered to be in imperious form, got out following my thought England began to struggle. Michael Yardy batted really well and even tonked Doug Bollinger for six which I captured on video.


Michael Yardy hits Doug Bollinger for six.

I had a great day which finished early in the evening. Australia won by 57 runs as England fell short. We'll see what the World Cup brings in India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh though.

All afternoon we could see smoke coming from the hills around Perth. Latest count is some 72 houses destroyed and 32 damaged. All this started by a guy with an angle grinder. I'm glad no-one was killed but feel for the people who have lost their homes through no fault of their own.

ODI Australia vs England 6.2.2011 photo album on Facebook.

Who Will Win The Allan Border Medal This Year?

I know that it must be the talk of the sporting world. Who will win the Allan Border Medal this year - Cricket Australia's version of the Best and Fairest without necessarily being the fairest. So, who has been the outstanding Australian cricketer of the last year.

Ricky Ponting?
Michael Clarke?
Mitchell Johnson?
Brad Haddin?
Mike Hussey?

Nah, it's Shane Watson. By the width of the flooded Brisbane River. He will romp it in. Considering that he's played all three versions of the game - Test, ODI and T20 (not so much Sheffield Shield) - and done well in each. Most players don't play all forms so he will be hard to beat.

But does anyone really deserve this honour this year? I'll be at the final ODI of the seven match series between Australia and England (& Wales) tomorrow at the WACA. With the number of withdrawals, to attend the medal presentation in Melbourne on Monday night, and England's injuries it looks more like Australia B vs England A. Michael Clarke and Shane Watson will be rested for the final ODI ahead of the medal presentation. Does that indicate that they are serious about playing for their country?

Well, maybe I'm being too harsh. But if you want to be the best player for your country you should at least be playing for your country. And Clarke needs the batting practice more than anyone. Which idiot did the scheduling anyway. Who would play a match in Sydney followed by a game in Perth which is one day before a medal presentation in Melbourne being hosted two days before the team flies out to India/Sri Lanka/Bangladesh for the World Cup? Honestly. You'd think that nobody has any planning skills in this country.

Time To Retire Ricky Ponting

Ricky Ponting has been a great servant to this nation when it comes to cricket. Not without his share of controversy and Ashes failures he has been a great and enduring batsman. I don't consider him to be one of the best captains that we've had in my memory of test cricket although he has had a great deal of success. Anyone with Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Hayden and Langer in the team is going to have a modicum of success. I don't put that much down to his captaincy. I guess that the decline in his form coinciding with his promotion of Swisse Ultivites is quite humourous.

Tired? Stressed? You'll feel better on an Australian Cricket Board pension.

Swisse ad - Perhaps Paul Collingwood takes Swisse. He caught Ponting regularly enough. If you don't believe me take a look at the video below.

Ashes Prediction - Spot On

Anybody remember my prediction for this Ashes Series? Does 3-1 to England ring a bell? Holy heck. I was right. Wish I'd had a few bob on that.

Australia's Saviour As Captain?

Australian cricket needs a new captain to save them. No, I'm not talking about the appointment of Cameron White to replace Michael Clarke who stepped down as T20 captain for Australia. That's a cop-out from someone who has been recognised as a leader and he walks away from one form of the game and he's not even 30 years old yet. Clarke's not leadership material IMHO.

I've got the answer. Australia should go after Andrew Strauss. Ok, he's South African who now calls England home. But he's married to an Australian girl. Surely we could rush through Australian citizenship before the next test match in August. If cricket-loving John Howard was still prime minister I'm sure he would support it.

Next problem would be getting Alistair Cook and Jimmy Anderson to become Aussies too.

Third Ashes Test Observations From Day One

A day of carnage for the Aussies on the opening day of the Third Ashes Test in Perth against England. Here a few observations made.

The Cancer Council's message has gotten through to the Aussie cricketers - stay out of the sun.

Including Beer in the team would have been akin to the Aussie selectors admitting that we had an ailing side. Terrible pun that.

There's no truth in the rumour that the Australian selectors were all lined up at the booth at the WACA near the entrance which was entitled "CHANGE".

Only Shane Warne is sticking it up the English.

Michael Clarke's Bat - Collector's Item

The Sunday Times has a competition whereby you could win Ashes tickets to the match in Perth and meet and greet Michael Clarke and grab his signed Slazenger bat.

Win Michael Clarke's signed bat

Okay, tickets to the match sound great. But will Michael Clarke be at the match as I, and many others, think that he should be dropped as his form with the bat is abysmal? He doesn't deserve to be in the team even if he is the vice captain. Assuming he does get picked for the starting 11 you won't have much time to meet him as he'll either be spending most of the time fielding as the Poms are rather difficult to dismiss currently. If the Aussies are batting you may miss your opportunity to meet him in the frenzied rush to and from the pitch.

At least his bat will be in mint condition. There shouldn't be any nicks or red marks on it as he's hardly put bat on ball this series. Should look just like a bought one.

Funny Cricket Scorecard

I thought that I saw a funny line in the cricket scorecard at the second Test match today in Adelaide.

WatSON c. PieterSEN b. AnderSON for 51.

Ok, not quite as funny as Lillee c. Willey b. Dilley for 19 which happened in a test match in Perth in 1985 if my sources are correct. Wikipedia says that it happened in 1979.

And what about the Patel match?

Cricket Masterchef - New Program

You've seen Masterchef Australia. You've watched, but not necessarily understood, Iron Chef. You've been amazed by Junior Masterchef Australia. Now prepare for the latest culinary and gastronomic tv series - Cricket Masterchef.

Cricket Masterchef stars the Australian Test Cricket team but you'd have to say that the variety of dishes is sadly lacking. There's very little spice and not much zest included in the ingredients. Let's have a look at some of the dishes forthcoming from the second Ashes test match being held in Adelaide.

Simon Katich - he's prepared a duck, the platinum (or diamond) version after being out without facing a ball.
Ricky Ponting - he's also prepared a duck, a golden duck, after departing first ball.
Michael Clarke - his speciality is goose, of which he's made himself out to be, after only making two runs. It could be said that his preparation was unassisted and that he has cooked his own goose.
Ryan Harris - another golden duck. So litte imagination in the kitchen these Aussies.
Doug Bollinger - he's a bunny.

I'd like to have seen a batsmen score zero and play at his best. That would be a Peking (peaking) duck. You'd have to say that it was a pressure cooker situation for the Australians in the middle at the Adelaide Oval today. And didn't they get a basting from the Poms? Mind you, the Poms aren't very imaginative when it comes to cooking either. They just had the Aussies on toast.

The Australians didn't get to enjoy their dishes today and the only cooking that they've tasted for a while is humble pie. Well Ricky, revenge is a dish best served cold and we can see that the Aussies are not cooking with gas. With the Aussies' cooking skills it will probably end up as Ashes anyway.

Who Wants To Bowl For Australia?

The Australian bowlers, with the exception of Peter Siddle in England's first innings, where he picked up a hat-trick, struggled to make any sort of impression in the first test match at the Gabba. So, who is going to be dropped and who will replace them?

Mitchell Johnson didn't have a great game. In fact, it was the first test match, his 39th, in which he failed to take a wicket. Coupled with his duck and a regulation dropped catch he didn't have a great match. By those figures Marcus North appears positively lethal with his score of one with the bat and all of the England wickets that fell in the second innings (one). North could even elevate himself to a frontline bowler with that effort.

I'm an admirer of Johnson. He's terrorised batsmen and performed very well for his country. On a wicket that offered nothing for the bowlers as the match went on I don't think that he can be singled out for his lack of penetration with the ball. Get rid of the moustache and the sleeve tattoo and he'll be back to his best.

Siddle will probably hold his place. Hilfenhaus, who bowled beautifully at times, is also under the pump. But the coach doesn't want to make wholesale changes. Let's see how much fortitude the selectors have.

Still, Dougie Bollinger looks a likely replacement and Ryan Harris, if he wasn't susceptible to injury, is also making a strong case for a call-up. I think that getting a match at the Adelaide Oval for a fast bowler is a bit of a poisoned chalice as it's usually a flat track and doesn't offer the quicks much. Look at England to post around 600 runs in an innings.

Ashes Prediction

In case you've been robbing a pub with a machete and been gunned down by the police (see previous post) or have just been living under a rock, there's going to be a huge cricket test series taking place called The Ashes. It starts in Brisbane on Thursday. Australia versus England (and Wales). Well, Australia versus England/Wales/Scotland/Ireland/South Africa/West Indies and any other cricket-playing nation that can provide them with decent cricketers. But enough of that.

The Teams:

Australia - Ponting, Clarke, Bollinger, Doherty, Ferguson, Haddin, Harris, Hauritz, Hussey, Hilfenhaus, Johnson, Katich, Khawaja, North, Siddle, Smith, Watson.

England (and decent players from Rest of the World) - Strauss, Cook, Anderson, Bell, Collingwood, Pietersen, Bresnan, Broad, Davies, Finn, Morgan, Panesar, Prior, Swann, Tremlett, Trott.

The Venues:

* 1st Test - The Gabba - 25th-29th November 2010
* 2nd Test - The Adelaide Oval - 3rd-7th December 2010
* 3rd Test - The WACA - 16th-20th December 2010
* 4th Test - The MCG - 26th-30th December 2010
* 5th Test - Sydney Cricket Ground - 3rd-7th January 2011

The Gabba. Brisbane. Usually steamy with the ball doing a great deal in the opening session. Nightmare for batsmen early on. If England were to bat and survive the first session without losing a wicket I'm afraid the Aussies are done for. If the Aussies were to have them 4 for then we're in with a shot.

Adelaide Oval. Adelaide (of course). Great batting pitch. I expect the Poms to bat better than the Aussies and this match could be a draw only because England decide to make 700 runs instead of 500 "just to be safe".

The WACA. Perth. Should be 38C. Every day. The heat should take it out of the Poms and I expect the Aussies to win this match. Extra bounce might be difficult for the Poms to get used to.

The MCG. Melbourne. One of the greatest sporting arenas in the world hosting a magnificent contest. That is if England isn't already 3-0 up and has won the series. Weather plays a bit part in Melbourne. Expect it to be dry, windy, cold, wet and then sunny. All before the first drinks break. Expect more of the same after the first drinks break. Should be just like playing in England. Except for the dry and sunny bits. England to triumph.

SCG. Sydney. Traditional turning pitch. Aussies having already lost the series will include Hauritz, Doherty, Smith, North and Clark as spinners desparate to win a match. Graeme Swann and Monty Panesar will show them how to bowl and England will still win. If the weather holds up.

betfair odds (23/11/2010):
Aust $2.06
Eng $2.86
Draw $5.70

Reasons that I think Australia will struggle to be competitive include;

Mitchell Johnson doesn't have enough support from the other bowlers to enable him to be the frontline bowler that we all know he can be. He'll try to hard to bowl England out and not concentrate on putting the ball in the right spot. Not enough discipline from the bowlers to keep the pressure on.

Michael Clark appears to just want to maintain a decent batting average and in no way attempts to push the scoring along when batting with the tail. Steve Waugh did this very effectively. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise that he's injured and we might actually unearth someone who is a batsman.

Ricky Ponting is past his prime with regards to his batting and captaincy. Time for Brad Haddin to replace him. If we lose this series, as I expect, although the bookies don't, he'll lose the captaincy.

Hussey and North will be batting to retain their spots rather than batting with supremacy over England. Not going to be consistent enough.

Watson and Katich should be the best performing Aussies bats, followed by Johnson (at least in average) as the ball won't move around as much as the England bowlers are used to. But with Watson having injured himself in the last Shield match Australia will miss his bowling ability.

Collingwood will be a thorn as he is difficult to remove and a great fighter. Reminds me a great deal of Steve Waugh.

Broad is a great young bowler with some fire in the belly. Also a tad petulant but will give as good as he gets. Decent bat as well and with tired Aussie bowlers will score a fair amount of runs.

Pietersen could change a test match during one session. Expect to see this happen a couple of times during the series.

I’m tipping England 3-1. Hard to see any match not having a result.

Is Michael Clarke The John Hewson of Cricket?

Michael Clarke, as stand-in captain, has lost the unlosable one day international against Sri Lanka. The Boy turned the telly on when we got home from taekwondo training and Australia was clearly on top. Very soon the Sri Lankans were 8 for 107 chasing 240 for victory. Plenty of time but not many batsmen left and only one recognised batsman, Angelo Mathews, at that. Lasith Malinga came to the crease and started swinging. The Boy tried to make a $20 bet that Australia would win although I didn't take him up on in.

Unfortunately The Boy had to go to bed and missed out on seeing a world record partnership for the ninth wicket in ODIs, match 3065, of 132 runs to level the scores. Fantastic batting by Malinga and Mathews and they tore the Australian attack (yes, I said attack but you'd hardly call it that) apart and hit them to all parts of the ground. Only looked like being in trouble when running between the wickets but they didn't have to do too much of that with the boundaries that they were hitting. It was one of the most enthralling games of cricket I've had the pleasure of watching. Well done Sri Lanka for coming away with the win.

Michael Clarke appears to be the John Hewson of cricket. Dr John lost the unlosable election to Paul Keating in 1993 and Pup seems destined to go down the same path. There's no way as captain that he should have lost a match from the position that they worked themselves into. On their home ground too. What an embarrassment. But what great viewing from a Sri Lankan's, neutral observer's and cricket lover's position.

Book Review - Dickie Bird - My Autobiography

Shep mentioned Dickie Bird's autobiography in his own. I've recently finished reading it and what a fantastic read it was. Full of genuinely funny anecdotes from his playing days through to his umpiring. I wasn't aware of his upbringing or playing career for Yorkshire and Leicestershire and only knew him as an international umpire. What a charmed life he lead although not everything went to plan. Even the foreward by Michael Parkinson was interesting - unlike Shep's done by Richie Benaud.

Unlike Shep's autobiography Dickie is quite fond of praising himself and his achievements. He mentions, twice, that he has met the Queen on 27 occasions and been introduced to two prime ministers. Old Dickie is certainly no shrinking violet. I don't think that he is too full of himself but is full of a love of cricket and life. He really wants to have a positive impact on everyone around him.

I laughed out loud to some of his antics such as arriving at the to umpire his first test match so early in the morning that he had to climb the gates and was stopped by a policeman who didn't believe that he was the umpire. Dickie hated to be late and made quite a habit of being early. It's a wonder that he didn't give himself an ulcer as he appears to be a born worrier. And he must have been the only umpire to halt a game due to light - when the reflection of sunlight from windows was shining on the pitch. He also had a match interrupted by snow! Not only that but underground piping that burst and held up a game when the ground became flooded. And who could forget the bomb alert when Dickie thought that the pitch was the safest place to be and there he sat with several thousands of the spectators until the ground was cleared by the police. He was so well know for taking the players off the ground due to bad light, especially so at Old Trafford, that when asked by one spectator why the players were coming off, "For bad light?" that his response of, "It's lunch, sir." was highly amusing.

Dickie Bird - My Autobiography

Quite a character is Dickie Bird. And quite a good book he has written. If you love the game of cricket you'll probably enjoy the book. I know I certainly did. Not bad for $1 either.

Book Review - Shep - my autobiography by David Shepherd

I've always thought that Shep was a bit of a character. One of those larger than life fellows. From what I saw of him on TV as a test match umpire he didn't appear to take any nonsense from the players. His autobiography cost me $2 so surely it was value for money.

I have to say the book was a disappointing read. Sure, I didn't know that Shep was a county cricketer in England before becoming a first class umpire. Books written by former cricketers are normally full of amusing anecdotes about the game of cricket. Ok, there were a few amusing stories but he refers to his Devonian roots and excessive girth far too often during the book. Shep was an insecure cricketer as he didn't have the ability to reach the next level and was always worried about maintaining his place in the Gloucestershire side and trying to lose some weight. He mentions umpire Dickie Bird a few times and his autobiography is the next book on my reading list.

Sorry, but I wouldn't read another book by Shep and I didn't enjoy this one by him. And the foreward by Richie Benaud wasn't flash either.

Shep - my autobiography by David Shepherd

Mistaken Identity In The Media

There's a test match being played in England at the moment between Pakistan, the home team, and Australia, the visitors. That's a funny story in itself being the first test match in England not to feature the home team in some 98 years or so. If you look at most of the English teams of late you'd be hard pressed to find any players that were born in England but that's another story.

What I found amusing was a report in The Telegraph, a respectable British newspaper, with a picture of left-handed Simon Katich. Or so they tell us. Make up your own mind. And they blame ACTION IMAGES as the source. I reckon it has more to do with poor editorial skills myself.

Left-handed Simon Katich?

CricInfo Pandering To Kiwis Too Much

The current Test match between New Zealand and Australia, the 2nd and final of the series, is being covered by CricInfo. They employ a diverse array of commentators including regular Indians and English. I love the commentary. It often smacks of being very British though.

I did notice a slip-up in the textual commentary yesterday which appeared to be making the content more appropriate for New Zealand readers. Everybody knows that they're well known for mixing up their vowel sounds - try this Website for examples of how to speak New Zillund. I love listening to Kiwi commentators say, "Oh, he's hut ut fa sux" meaning "He's hit it for six". Check out the commentary that I spotted.

CricInfo speaks New Zillund