Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Miss Universe 2005

I watched the second half of the Miss Universe 2005 Pageant last night. I don't think anybody could seriously state that it is a beauty contest anymore - and the proof comes from the fact that Miss USA made the top ten.

Miss USA - looks like Maria Shriver, has a build like a bodybuilder, couldn't walk on the catwalk to save herself and she was only 5' 7". Maybe I'm being a bit too critical but I don't think that she would be offered a modelling contract.

Interesting that the final was held in Thailand. Interesting that the hosts spoke so quickly that I had trouble understanding everything they said and with the audience seemingly full of Thais I doubt that they knew what was being said.

Miss Israel - just goes to show that you don't need an M16 to look attractive.
Miss Puerto Rico - looks like a better version of The Nanny.
Miss Peru - had a face like Celine Dion. No wonder she didn't make the top five.
Miss Latvia - stood out as they she was Barbie. So cute.

There should be a couple more prizes awarded. We all saw Miss Congeniality and Miss Photogenic but what about Miss Winner-of-the-most-rigged-award? That would be in place of Best National Dress. With this award being judged by local dignitaries it is little wonder that Miss Thailand won.

Miss Latvia should have won an award for Most Unbelievable Makeup. She looked like a living Barbie doll but more like Bride of Frankenstein without it. Crikey. I guess in the dark it wouldn't make any difference. She was one of those contestants whisked away when she didn't make the next round following the top 15.

A special mention and tribute was paid to the Asian Tsunami victims where "more than 100000 lost their lives". (A much closer death toll) The actual figure is much closer to the 300000 mark.

Carson Kressley of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy fame was a weird choice for a judge, don't you think? Or perhaps he was te most unaffected by beauty and really was able to judge based on personality. I don't know.

Miss Puerto Rico required a translator for "The Question". That's a disgrace. Puerto Rico is a US territory and Spanish and English are the official languages.

Miss Canada was asked "The Question" twice and before answering was told, "You're representing North America here". Talk about a comment that was uncalled for. I thought she was Miss Canada and not Miss North America. She also provided the most cliched answer - "I always look at the glass as half full and not half empty." Spare me.

Miss Venezuela was stumped by "The Question" - something about what is wrong with your country and how you would change it. She bumbled about some political problems and couldn't get much out that made sense. Poor girl. I wouldn't be expecting a Presidential welcome upon returning home either. She dug a hole for herself and just kept on digging.

Miss Mexico - she was my choice. The fact that she came fourth was a surprise. It certainly wasn't a beauty contest.

Jennifer Hawkins, Miss Universe 2004, was better looking than all of them. And not just because I'm an Aussie.

Wasn't a bad show except it was run at a fast pace with the two hosts taking part in some deprecating humour that very few of the audience would have understood. It was just for show on cable.


NewYorkMoments said...

Hammy, I think that you should fly you over to the states so that you can judge the next Miss USA contest. It's ovbious that you have a very discerning eye, not to mention your flawless character judgement.

Hell, if they cleaned you up a little bit, maybe you could even host the event! That pageant could use a little Aussie style.

Hammy said...

I don't think that my wife would let me be a judge. Character judgement, or assassination, is easiest done at a distance. I prefer the comfort of my blog for that sort of thing.

If they would clean me up without having to attend the pageant I'm sure that nobody would mind and the wife might agree to that. I want the same makeup artist as Miss Latvia as I could do with some miracle work.

Me as host? I'd hand too much shit on people, including myself. Not a job I envy.