Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Test For Becoming An Aussie

Bit of a kerfuffle trying to be raised by current affairs programs at the moment regarding how easy it is to become a citizen. At the moment you only need to be granted a permanent visa and stay for a further two years before you can apply for citizenship. There is an English test to pass which pretty much boils down to "Do you speak English?" The correct answer is "yes" and then you are inducted into the Beaut Aussie Hall of Fame.

Apparently the Yanks and the Poms make wannabe citizens pass language and history tests. Wow, just imagine if that happened here.

Q. Who are the native Australians? - A. English and Irish convicts.
Q. How do you greet your fellow Australian? - A. "G'day Mate", "Howzithangin'", "Howyagoin'" or "Orright Mate" are acceptable.
Q. Name some Australian pets - A. Koalas, kangaroos, lizards and wombats.
Q. Who is Australia's greatest Prime Minister? - A. The correct answer if "We've never bloody had one, mate. They've all been useless bastards."
Q. How do you spell "beer" in Australia? - A. "XXXX".
Q. Name two Australians who have won the Nobel Prize for sciences? - A. Eh, you're havin' me on. We had blokes that were smart and not good at sport?
Q. When did Australia become a sovereign nation? - A. In 1877 when they beat the Poms at cricket in the First Test.
Q. What are typical Australian names? - A. Wazza, Bazza, Stevo, Davo, Shazza, Kylie, Kath.

If they made it compulsory to know the national anthem then I think most of the people settled here already would get the boot. Many of us could tell you that Shane Warne took 1-150 on his debut. Or that Peter Brock won the Bathurst 1000 a total of nine times. Or that Sir Donald Bradman's test average was 99.94, which is the post office box of the Australian Broadcasting Authority in capital cities in Australia.

Did you pass my test to be an Aussie? Can you stay or will we be saying sayonara, er, see ya? I said that the current affairs program was trying to raise a kerfuffle as most Australians would say "She'll be right, mate. Don't worry about it."

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