Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hammy’s Laws IV

1. Blowflies disappear when the flyspray is produced.
2. Smoke from around a fire will always follow you.
3. Bargains in this day and age are as rare as hens’ teeth.
4. The only real challenge is the one within yourself.
5. Philosophy is the art of thinking nonsense and making it sound convincing.
6. If at first you don’t succeed, try something easier.
7. Performance levels are only plateaus of the mind.
8. Winning isn’t everything but bettering yourself and feeling good about your work and effort are important.
9. The only time that you ever exceed the speed limit a police car will be following you.
10. If you wake up during the night and feel awake, you will become tired when it is time to get up.
11. People don’t do things with blind stupidity, there will always be a good reason for it.
12. Checkout girls work quickly when the queues are short and pitifully slowly when the queues are long.
13. Objects that you don’t require the use of will pop up everywhere and disappear when you need them.
14. Gangsters don’t live long enough to prove whether or not cracking your knuckles causes arthritis.
15. Only in TV commercials do icecream wrappers undo easily without destroying the packaging.
16. Never clean a golf ball before using it on your first hole because you will lose it.
17. Don’t tempt fate, fate wins.
18. If you only see one episode from a series and don’t enjoy it, years later when the series re-run is viewed it will be the same episode.
19. The driver usually survives when all of his passengers die in a car accident if he is drunk.
20. Songs that you hate are the ones that you hum to yourself and can’t get out of your mind.
21. If a man can’t see why a girl wears a strapless dress, she shouldn’t.
22. A good girl is good but a bad girl is better.
23. Few things are more expensive than a girl who has the evening free.
24. Anatomy is something everybody has but it looks better on a girl.
25. When a girl is old enough to go out alone, she doesn’t.

You can see that I had run out of original ideas by the end of this set of Hammy’s Laws.

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