Hammy's Laws II

1. Traffic lights only change to green once you have come to a stop.
2. The Double Bass will never become a Treble.
3. If the bathroom door is locked, chances are that a woman is inside doing her hair or makeup.
4. What goes up will have a greater certainty of coming down if your head is directly beneath it.
5. Cakes that fit perfectly into a cake tin will be destroyed when the first slice is cut.
6. Tin whistles may well be made from tin but fog horns will never be made from fog.
7. Automatic doors will always close just as you start to walk through them.
8. Pensioners will never really gain from the Federal Budget.
9. New or clean carpets will always have mud wiped upon them or something will spill on them.
10. If you support Greenpeace you will blow your nose in silence.
11. Peter Garrett proves that skinheads have less brains than hair.
12. The comfortability of your car will be inversely proportional to the distance you need to travel.
13. If you drop something it will land in the worst possible way.
14. Once bread has been put in the toaster it will be forgotten.
15. Once a divot has been taken in golf, you will never find the same amount of divot to replace it with.
16. Diets which were started 'yesterday' will be forgotten by tomorrow.
17. Friendships are priceless but making enemies can be very costly.
18. Snow melts when you iron it.
19. Wooden frypans are useless.
20. If you have the concentration span of a New Zealander, you are in trouble.
21. Bob Hawke is a wheatbag short of a silo.
22. The amount of buttons on a remote control will be inversely proportional to how well you understand its functions.
23. "Never, have so many, owed so much, to so few," - Quotation about taxpayers.
24. Words printed on thinner paper make for lighter reading.
25. Some people get fat just looking at food.
26. The cost of a meal at a restaurant will be inversely proportional to how much you enjoyed it.
27. Man may well be the most intelligent creature but he can also be the most stupid.