Europe Holiday 2015 - Day Eight

At 2 o'clock there was a thunderstorm. Planning to get up at six we were awake by 5:30. The missus had a dream about her parents which is usually a warning that something bad will happen. She said to be careful today.

Took our luggage to the nearest taxi stand and waited for five minutes before I went looking for another one. By the time I got back a taxi had just pulled in. He didn't accept Visa card but did take euros - I was practically all out of Czech koruny. I asked to go to the bus station, "Florenc?" he asked. Yeah. When we arrived he didn't have sufficient euros to give me change so gave me koruny and a little bit extra as he didn't have the right change. Turned out that it was the wrong place. We needed to go outside the main train station. The clerk in the bus station was very helpful and insisted that we take the metro even though it was only one stop as we were so short on time. Lucky that the change from the taxi driver was enough to buy two metro tickets for us and two for our luggage (?!). Only waited two minutes for the metro and it was not even three minutes away.

I asked for directions at the ticket office, good thing I'd been here the day before, and was told to go two levels up. Nothing but trains there until I had an "aha" moment and thought to go outside. Sure enough, that's where the bus stops were. While the missus went to the toilet two Korean girls asked me where their bus was. I could read enough of their ticket and had noticed a bus stating that it was going to Munich so was able to help them out. Why do I always get asked for directions when I'm on holidays?

Our bus arrived on time. The driver and conductor were not pleasant at the start of the journey until they were prepared to leave. No wifi on the bus as it wasn't working. Bit of a bummer. Lovely fields, very few cattle or sheep, and busy roads. Border police checked our passports.

On the bus to Nürnberg

Look at that solar array

Quite a bit of traffic on the approach to Nürnberg

 Near our destination, Nürnberg, there had been an accident so there was a great deal of traffic. We were two minutes late arriving at the station and so only had nine minutes to retrieve our luggage, find our platform and board the train. Did it with four minutes to spare.

Our ICE train

 Sat next to a lovely young man by the name of Manuel. His 18th birthday was on the day that Angela Merkel became chancellor. He's been to Australia, had studied in London and was an engineer who had graduated and was looking for a job for the last three months. On his way to an interview.

Our train was delayed by 35 minutes due to a tree on the line and Manuel insisted that we took a different train to the one on our ticket as we had missed our connection. This was despite the fact that our tickets clearly stated that they were for a particular train and no other. My friend in Heidelberg, Markus, was texting me and telling me to change trains also. The conductor on the next train accepted our explanation and we managed to grab some seats. Markus was waiting for us on the platform. As we haven't seen each other for 21 years he almost greeted someone else! Not that either of us has changed much. His wife was sick and so was unable to me us. We had about a 30 minutes dive from Mannheim to Heidelberg. Markus had prepared some sweets - cakes and patisseries. Then we walked through the town and along the Nacher River to Altstadt (Old Town). Castle ruins were impressive and there was a lovely square in the town. Perhaps the most surprising thing was to find a Korean shop.

Heidelberg tram

Beautiful houses along the Nacher River

Ruined castle along the Nacher River

Lovely little town square

Town square, castle ruins and Korean shop (on the right)

 Had dinner at the Hotel & Restauraton Goldener Falke - pork and spätzle for me. Fantastic meal for three with two drinks which came to 50 euros. The walk back through the town was on the longest pedestrian street in Germany. Shower, drinks and bed after midnight.

Golden Falcon Hotel and Restaurant

Interesting Chat On The Bus

The bus started to fill at the first stop after I'd gotten on tonight. A gentleman whom I think of as "The God-botherer" as I've seen him reading a bible in the morning got on and sat next to me. He accidentally elbowed me as he sat down and immediately apologised. I was very tempted to say, "I forgive you."

Anyway, we started talking about the weather, as the rain had just restarted, and how crowded the public transport was. This lead to a discussion regarding trains in Japan, China and Korea and how people are sometimes squeezed on to the trains. He did ask about farming in Korea and was surprised to hear that 80% of the land is not farmed as it is a very mountainous country. Of course this lead to talk about cemeteries and then religion. He asked about Koreans and I listed a few of the religions followed and when Buddhism came up he mentioned, "We looked at that," which rather took me by surprise. Perhaps the funniest coincidence was my game of Words With Friends that I was just about to play when he sat down whereby my opponent had most recently played HELL.

As I got up to leave he thanked me for the conversation and introduced himself with the same name as mine. It took him a moment when I replied, "Same here."

It was a most interesting chat on the bus this afternoon.

Signs On The Bus

I quite like some of the advertising that's on the buses within our public transport network. Most of them are aimed at the travelling public telling them how to behave but at least they are entertainging and get the message across. Take note advertisers.

We've all had to put up with people whose music is too loud.

Jack and Jill - how many times have you been inconvenienced by other travellers?

Plenty of graffidiots about - probably not smart enough to finish reading this.

Interesting couple of bus trips last week starring the same driver. An older lady, late 40s perhaps, who wears gloves and doesn't take any crap from anyone. As soon as I got on the bus she tooted the driver in front who hadn't reacted to the light change. Fair enough. Some weirdo got on and couldn't find his concession card so he asked her to wait. He jumped off the bus and checked the papers on the ground at the bus stop before finding his replacement paper in his pocket and began to explain that he's always losing his card and that this replacement was until his card was replaced. The driver got sit of this and took off and told him to move back. She obviously didn't want to hear his story. Later on some people were standing too close to the door and blocking the exit of others. The driver came out of her cabin and yelled at them, "Where are you getting off? Sit down and stop blocking the door so that people can get off the bus." The offenders sat down and didn't move.

Two days later, with the same driver, a young guy with earplugs got on. Everyone on the bus could hear his music. At the next set of lights the driver yelled out, "Who's playing loud music?"
"What?" he replied.
The she came out of the cabin and lectured us all on why they put the signs up in the buses - see Little Jack Horner pic. He turned the volume down so that I was unable to hear it, quick smart.

I love this bus driver.

Close Call On The Bus

It's been a while since I've had an interesting bus ride. The missus wanted me to buy some pizzas for tea tonight on the way home. I ordered them online so that I could pick them up. Grabbed the first bus going the right way but took one that had a stop that was two blocks and a good five minutes walk away. Oh well. I had the opportunity to change buses but thought that I could wait another 15 minutes for a bus to come past and I'd be better off walking as I'd certainly reach my destination on time. The missus was picking me up, you see.

We started down Berwick street and I spotted a couple of kids on the footpath on the opposite side of the road. After a passenger got off and the bus proceeded on its journey one of the boys faced the bus and flung a rock at it. I quite clearly saw the rock heading towards me and heard it strike the bus. It was only at the next stop when the driver radioed base to inform them that the bus had been struck that I saw the window not far behind me that was shattered. It certainly didn't sound that bad.

I plainly saw the boy. An aboriginal lad of about 12 years of age wearing a pink/apricot coloured shirt and a left-hander. The driver said that he'd pressed the duress button and might have been lucky enough to have obtained a photo of him as he hadn't seen him himself. I hope they catch the little prick.

Bus window smashed by an aboriginal youth today

Entertaining Bus Ride

Grabbed a bus home last night as usual. That's where normality was suspended for a while.

The driver took the wrong route. One of the passengers told her and as she was calling the base to explain that she'd made a driver error she cut across two lanes of traffic and almost took out a car who wasn't expecting that particular move. At the next corner we went over the kerb which caused us to lurch to the side. It wasn't long before one of the stops was missed. Around this time some guy got on who looked a bit like a sophisticated Gene Wilder with glasses. Honestly, he looked like a cartoon character. Bit further down the road we picked up another passenger who looked like one of the weirdos from Gary Larson's The Far Side. One side of her face was about an inch lower than the other.

Down the road a bit more and there was a person waving to the bus from the bus stop. The wave stopped and a look of bewilderment came over her face as the bus just drove past, even though the bell had been rung and someone wanted to get off. We stopped a little bit away from the bus stop to collect this new passenger. It was about this point that the driver mentioned she was having a bad day. At another stop somebody tagged off but the back door wasn't opened so she had to leave the bus from the front door. As soon as this happened the driver opened the back door. A young couple got on and discussed where they were heading for a while. At the end of Albany Highway the driver announced that this was the last stop on Albany Highway. One guy alighted and so did the couple. The driver called out to them that the bus did go past Carousel Shopping Centre, where they were headed, so they got back on. In actual fact, when the bus reaches the end of Albany Highway it turns onto Albany Highway and travels down it for another 5-10 kilometres. I think the driver became confused with the Shepperton Road bypass as we don't leave Albany Highway once we're on it.

Very entertaining bus ride as it turned out.

Nearly Got Into Trouble Today

On the bus ride home this afternoon some six youths, aged about 12-14, got on the bus and headed to the back seats. They were very loud and quite uncouth. No need for that sort of language in public. I was sitting there reading my book with my bag in the vacant seat next to me. A short while into the trip and one of the little punks moved to the seat behind me and proceeded to put his hand over the seat in front of him and near my bag. Well, I stopped reading but kept the book in front of me but watched him out of the corner of my eye. He pretended to carry on some conversation with his mate but I'm sure he was just waiting for an opportunity to try to knock off something from inside my bag. And I was just waiting for his hand to touch my bag as I would have smashed his fingers against the window and then quite possibly have grabbed his wrist to put a lock on him and cause him some real pain.

After we passed the stop before mine I put my bag on my lap and pushed the button to tell the driver that I wished to alight. My suspicions regarding the boy's actions were pretty much confirmed when I moved my bag and he immediately changed seats to a position further back. His voice sounded a little pained also. As I tagged off I just stared at the boys to see their faces and to let them know that I understood their little game. As the bus drove past all six were staring at me and three of them gave me the bird. Need any more proof that they were up to no good?

Damn, I wanted to smash that little punk. Trouble is he has to make the first move. And I really don't know if they have any concealed weapons. The cops won't bother doing anything unless they have actually broken the law. Blind Freddie could see that they had the intent. He's got it coming to him some day though and he's certainly headed down the wrong path. Bit of gang mentality evident but there are so few followers - all these idiots behave stupidly for some reason.

Strange Look On The Bus

There were a few people on the bus this morning. Two guys occupied the seats in front of me so a young lady sat next to me. She took out a drink bottle from her bag and a plastic bag also came out and sat on the seat between us. I was reading a magazine and noticed the rustle of the bag and was a little surprised, and then disappointed, that she didn't bother to collect it as it was painfully obvious that it belonged to her. Next stop the two guys got off and she went to the seat in front. Of course she left the bag behind.

When I was about to leave the bus I made a point of dropping the bag onto the seat next to her. She stared at it. The kind of stare that would stop a man dead in his tracks. I saw no reaction from the bag. I believe the bag was behaving quite bravely. Just as I left I said, a bit uncaringly, "It fell out of your bag" and left it at that.

If she was big, had tatts and a moustache I probably wouldn't have bothered. Know when to pick fights you can win people.

Bus Ride From Hell

Yesterdays bus ride was a bus ride from Hell.

I caught a bus that didn't go the quickest way home but one that would add only a couple of minutes to the journey. That would allow me a few more minutes to read my paper and I wouldn't have to wait outside in the rather wintery weather we're experiencing this Spring for a more direct bus to come along.

I had a nice seat at the front of the bus so all was well. That was until a lady got on the bus with her approximately three year-old in a pram. This kid was screaming "waah, waaah, no, no, no, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, no, no, no..." from the time that started until they left. In fact, I could hear the kid before we pulled up at the bus stop she was that loud. To make matters worse it was raining so there was more traffic on the road. To make matters worse there was a traffic accident which caused quite a backlog of traffic. To make matters worse I don't have a portable MP3 player which could have been used to drown the din. To make matters worse I don't think that a court would accept it to be a case of justifiable homicide if something had been done to shut the kid up. But only just.

If I'd had a lollipop or Chupa Chup I would have offered it. There were some minty breath fresheners in my bag, which can induce a laxative effect if too many taken at once, so I did contemplate offering a sizable handful of them but thought better of it. Even the bus driver exlaimed, "My good God" after they'd gotten off.

My sanity should return within a couple of days. If ever.

Don’t Worry About Wearing Clean Underpants

Didn't your mum tell you to wear clean underpants just in case you got hit by a bus? You didn't want to be embarrassed when the people saving your life noticed that your jocks weren't clean, did you? I always thought that that was a bit strange because if a bus was heading straight for me I don't think my underdacks would be all that clean for much longer anyway.

Well, I think that it is more important to keep your room clean in case you have a heart attack. Those paramedics in Britain are a discerning mob. Did you hear about Barry Baker who had a heart attack, called 999 for assistance and then collapsed? The paramedics arrived minutes later and took a look at his place and made the comment that, "He's not worth saving." Unfortunately for them the phone call was still connected to the emergency services line. The local papers name the guys too. They were arrested on suspicion of wilful neglect of duty.

The guys' place was a mess. Has the British National Health Service, NHS, come to a point in funding whereby they train their paramedics to be discretionary with who they bother to save? I understand that ambulances are used almost as a taxi service by many people in Britain. I don't blame them for making the comment but they let the guy die which wasn't their call. Their job was to save his life and he was still alive when they arrived.

Yhe moral of the story - Keep your house tidy people because you are more likely to have a heart attack than to be hit by a bus.

Interesting Happening On The Bus

Just when you think you've seen it all you realise that you haven't seen it all. There's always something happening on the bus. At a stop only about three stops from where I was due to alight tongiht some guy started banging on the window. He noticed a mobile phone at the bus stop and thought that it may belong to a passenger who had just boarded. The bus driver took possession of it and then started to call base to report it. Another guy crossed the road and stood in the middle of the traffic, not far from the lights which turned to green, and proceeded to describe the mobile he had just lost. The first guy had informed him that the bus driver had it. Once it was verified that it was his phone he was certainly happy to receive it in one piece.

And all the while that light was green and not a single beep from drivers behind the bus.

You Know You've Had A Bad Day When...

I knew that I had had a bad day when I boarded the bus for the trip home, found a seat and reached for my newspaper to read and then found myself thinking, "Hang on. I didn't read the paper this morning. Something is wrong." It then dawned upon me that I had taken my car to work today and that's why I hadn't read the paper on the way to work. Perhaps I could manage it but I don't believe that it is an entirely appropriate bit of behaviour when one is driving.

So I alighted at the next stop, crossed the road and boarded the next bus into town. I felt pretty sheepish about it actually. My mind was obviously eleswhere.

Funny Bus Journey – Destination Unknown

A couple of weeks ago I was a little surprised on the bus. Normally when you leave the city there are only a couple of places that people get on the bus outside of the city. They are the transfer station, where all buses stop, and near a suburban shopping centre. After that it is a most unusual occurrence. So you can imagine my surprise when somebody got on the bus in the middle of nowhere.

Soon afterwards this young Asian girl sat moved seats quite purposely and sat next to a more elderly lady. I thought to myself, “Oh, she’s met someone that she knows.” They talked briefly and then the lady mentioned something about, “You’d better ask the bus driver.” She duly did this and it was apparent that she wasn’t sure which stop was hers. The driver radioed base to see if anyone else knew as it wasn’t a well known street. He even stopped the bus so that we wouldn’t go too far.

It was at this stage that the resident wannabe-lesbian who only made boyfriends with the worst men on earth, three at last count in her life, stuck her nose in and mentioned that, “I know the area quite well.” Side note: it’s amazing what you can learn on a bus, especially because obnoxious people tend to be quite loud mouthed when talking about themselves. Of course she asked the same question as the bus driver. Why didn’t I think of that? Generally if you yell at a foreigner they magically understand. Perhaps she should have tried that tack. Mind you, she did ask if she had a mobile phone.

It turns out that the girl was trying to get to a friend’s house. She knew the name of the street but had no idea how to get there other than to catch a specific bus. You can imagine the talk on the bus – “Why would you get on a bus if you don’t know where you’re going?’ was a question much asked. The girl didn’t want the driver holding everybody up so asked him to drive on. I was quite curious as to where she intended to go and checked the map when I arrived home. It turns out that she only had to travel three streets from where she caught the bus and it would have taken all of five minutes to walk. She probably ended up at a railway station somewhere. In her hand was a bag of shopping so one bloke onboard commented, “At least she won’t starve!”

Why would you catch a bus if you were headed for destination unknown? (A great Pseudo Echo song, by the way)

Bus Drivers Can't Have Dreary Jobs

I've often thought that bus drivers must have dreary jobs. They drive the same way each day, unless they are on some sort of rotating shift, meet the same people, experience the same traffic congestion, etc. You hear them on the radio back to base occasionally and seeing as there must be about 2000 buses on our roads, (I'm only guessing) surely something happens.

Yesterday I was standing on the bus as all the seats were taken and I heard a lady bus driver on the radio. She was calling the base to alert the police to an assault. Apparently a light-skinned aboriginal woman was being beaten up by a darker-skinned aboriginal man in Thornlie. The woman had blood running down her face. The bus driver was a bit distressed about the situation and had tried to get the woman on the bus but the man assaulting her wouldn't allow that to happen. Comments like, "She doesn't deserve the beating she is getting", and "She's getting the crap beaten out of her" indicate that this bloke wasn't holding back and didn't care who saw.

Would you intervene? The driver had tried to intervene but was unsuccessful. I guess if you had tried to help out the assailant would realise that you are a regular user of that bus service and there's every chance that he would target that route until he found you. I think that aboriginals are quite violent when provoked, perhaps slightly moreso than the general public, so if I'd had the time to think about it I'd be unlikely to intervene. Let's hope the police caught the guy responsible. And let's have not of this "alleged" bullshit.

How Fast Are We Going?

On the bus this morning whilst it was still dark. I've decided to start work a bit earlier so that I have more time with the family in the evening. Getting home to eat, have a shower, read a book and go to bed isn't the ideal situation.

As the bus was approaching the city this morning I noticed the speedometer of a ute next to us. As it was dark the speedo was illuminated and I could see that the driver adjacent was doing a touch over 60 km/h. I glanced at the bus's speedo, as I was seated at the front next to the driver, and it read 60 km/h. That was a little unusual seeing as we were overtaking the ute. So, I decided to check the next car's speedo to give me some idea of what speed we were actually doing.

The next car was doing smack bang on 60 km/h. So the bus's speedo was about right. What was more interesting about the car alongside us was the fact that the driver had what appeared to be a laptop on the passenger seat and was playing a porno movie for all to see. I don't care what speed we were doing in the bus - the woman in the porno was going hammer and tongs.

Just when you think you've seen it all on the bus too. Helps to glance outside once in a while.

Incident On The Bus This Morning

It was looking like another uneventful trip on the bus this morning. That is, until Jason boarded the bus. From my seat I could see that he was a mid-twenties, bare-footed slob who probably didn't have a job. Not that I'm quick to judge people. No, not me. I'm just a bigot. And an opinionated one at that.

Jason told the bus driver, who was expecting payment, that his Smartrider card had been taken by a machine in Armadale and that he wouldn't be paying. The bus driver insisted on receiving payment. Jason told him that he had recharged his card but that the machine had eaten it and that he should call the Armadale station because they knew about it.

The bus driver radioed base but, of course, the new Smartrider cards don't get eaten by recharging machines and he couldn't talk directly to the station anyway. Jason had to pay. He refused to pay and he refused to get off. The driver went to the next stop but on the way a lady stood up and showed some ID to the driver. She was some sort of transit guard and was on duty but not, apparently, in uniform. She instructed Jason that she was legally requesting that he get off the bus. He was a bit too large for her to push him off but you could see that that was her intention. She instructed the driver to stop, close the doors, call the transit police and await their arrival so that Jason could be arrested.

So, the bus stopped at the next stop. Two buses on the same route went past. People started to get a bit upset as they were going to be late for work. I could have changed buses but I wanted to see this guy get arrested and that would be worth missing 10-15 minutes of work for. I even felt like helping her push him out of the bus but could have been charged with assault should things have gotten out of hand. Besides, the duty officer seemed to have things under control, backup had been called and Jason wasn't being aggressive.

We waited for nearly 10 minutes before the officer convinced him to leave the bus with her and wait at the bus stop until the transit police arrived. She informed him that he would get a criminal record over this offence as he had not left the bus when instructed to which was a legal request.

We didn't get to see an arrest made. The driver refused to stop at any more stops on the way to the city, and you should have seen some of the looks that he received from people wanting to catch the bus, so that he could make up time. I was about five minutes later than usual but still not late for work. Pretty much all of the passengers were supportive of the action taken but a little put-out by the fact that they would be late for work.

The simple thing to do would be to buy a single journey ticket but if what Jason explained was true then he has some right to feel aggrieved. He also pointed out that some people are on a budget and, apart from the milk drink in his hand, he didn't appear to have two bob to rub together.

Perhaps there are still a few bugs to iron out in the Smartrider system. But it was nice to see the transit police system in operation and this young man be taught a lesson. Perhaps it is a bit harsh if it leads to a criminal conviction as he does appear to have a grievance.

Interpreting Bus Drivers' Sign Language

Driving a bus has its rewards and also its problems. You get to deal with the public and you get to deal with the public. Most drivers remain friendly whatever the situation but just lately I've seen a few of them beep the horn at car drivers who fail to give way to the bus when it is leaving the bus stop. And rightly so. It wouldn't surprise me if there was a one-finger salute to go with it.

The other day I hailed a bus after work and noticed that the bus wasn't pulling into the bus stop, which was a little odd. Then the driver gave me a cut throat gesture, not unlike Kevin Sheedy did to Mitchell White all those years ago, which took me by surprise. It was then then I noticed the bus was full and not that the bus driver intended to slit my throat.

Funny that.

Cut throat gesture - from http://folksong.org.nz/kapa_o_pango/index.html

How Embarrassing

Bit chilly this morning so I wore a heavy jacket, even though it was going to warm up to 30 degrees. As I approached the bus stop I noticed the bus so I made a run for it. "Just what I need in my heavy jacket," I thought. Somebody was waiting at the bus stop so I arrived in time not to hold anybody up.

Then it happened. One of those dreadful moments you hope never happen to you.

I pulled my wallet out to tag on with my SmartRider. The wallet must have been upside down and all of the bank cards, library cards, discount cards, etc, that were living in the sleeves decided to disengage the wallet. And boy, did they spread out over the floor. Right in front of a bus load of people. And the bus driver waited for me to pick them up. When I got to about the last two cards he made the decision to depart.

Guess where the only seat available was? Yes, at the front of the bus facing everybody. Thankfully I had my sunglasses and a newspaper which allowed me to ignore all the stares that must have been in my direction.

How embarrassing.

Which Bus To Take

Had to wait a while to catch the bus last night even though I finished work pretty much on time. Normally I get one almost straight away when that is the case. All the buses that I could catch, except some that go to Curtin Uni, are new. I saw a new bus which took a bit longer to get near my house and that I thought would take a few extra minutes of walking from the bus stop. It was followed by another new bus for which I couldn't read he number.

Which bus should I catch? If I let the first one go the second one might not be for me and I'd be waiting for another 10 or 15 minutes. I took the first bus and pretty soon realised that it was the right bus. Not because the bus following it was headed in a different direction but because the Multirider reader wasn't working so I received a free trip.

It's good to be frugal.

Overheard On The Bus

Well, it wasn't exactly overheard as everyone on the bus could hear what was said. On Monday night I had to work back late. Not wanting to wait at the bus stop too long I grabbed a bus that I wouldn't normally take. Not too far down the road an old woman and an old man boarded the bus.

What a pair they made. She had no front teeth, a durry in her hand and some raggedy clothes. And oh what a voice. Think Kath & Kim and mix that with the loudness of an alcoholic. The guy, Fred was his name, wore a singlet which revealed a very skinny frame, quite a reasonable beard, uttered not much more than "Yeah" and "Ah" and "U-huh" much like a hen-pecked husband along with the extremely strong smell of stale urine. And I was standing next to him.

You know how people are reluctant to move back in the bus? Well, the next time the bus stopped a couple of people alighted but the ones standing were running to the back of the bus. The stench was quite overpowering.

The lady was dominating in the relationship. When asked about paying the fare by the driver she said that it would either be a fifty or ninety cent fare. Then, at the top of her voice, she told Fred that she had George Bush all worked out and that she had something to say to him. She hated living her life in fear and wanted to tell him so. We passed a couple of stops and the bus driver, quite irately, asked her if she was going to pay for the fare.
"How much?" she asked.
"Ninety cents each," was the response. The bus driver thought that she wasn't eligible for a concession as she had not shown a concession card.
"See that Fred? They are short of money. It could have been fifty cents but noooo, they want my ninety cents." This had a few people chuckling.

The next discussion involved alcohol. Our friend announced "You'll never get me to admit that I'm alcoholic, Fred. You'll never get me to say that. Lips that have touched liquor will never touch mine. Lips that have touched liquor will never touch mine, Fred. Lips that have touched liquor will never touch mine." A few more chuckles were evident.

At this point an older lady wanted to get off the bus and walked past this woman. "How are you dear?" said the alkie. "You are welcome to come to Fred's place."

Then she went on to tell Fred that when she first went down this road you could smoke on the bus.
"In 1956 no-one said anything if you had a smoke on the bus. You worked hard all day and if you felt like a smoke no-one said anything, Fred. That was it, Fred. That was it. I-T it." More chuckles raised.

"My sister's father-in-law lived to be 106, Fred. A hundred and six. And he smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. Three packs a day, Fred. And he drank two bottles, two big bottles, of whiskey a day. When he was in hospital the doctor said, 'Nurse, give this man his cigarettes because the only thing holding his lungs together is the tar. I don't want to be held responsible for manslaughter.'"At this point the front half of the bus had burst out laughing. Next time we heard how old he was he was 108. And just before getting off the bus, where she yelled to Fred, "Fred, get off the bus!", she mentioned that the sister's father-in-law was 102. People on the bus were nearly in tears.

As soon as the pair of them alighted the bus driver turned around to face everybody and said, "There you go folks, some light entertainment!"

Talk about hysterical. I wish I had thought to record it on my camera with the audio function.