Red Belt And The Bourne Ultimatum

The boy had a taekwondo grading yesterday. He was a bit nervous about it but did quite a bit of practice beforehand. Unfortunately he didn't do very well as he forgot one of his patterns, taegeuk 6, and struggled to do the spinning kicks. He did just enough to pass however and is now a red belt - 3rd geup.

After doing the housework and having an early tea we went to the cinema in the city to watch The Bourne Ultimatum. What a brilliant movie. The hand-to-hand combat, rooftop running and car chase were excellent. And the storyline was quite cleverly done too. We all thought it was a great movie. I was a bit wary of the 1.4 second average length of scene but it was done quite well. Check it out if you haven't already done so.

Senseless Property Damage Ruins My Day

It was lovely to have the day to myself yesterday. I worked in the morning and then did the fruit and veg shopping before returning home to cook a BBQ lunch prior to settling in to watch the AFL grand final. Ok, so my team wasn't playing but that doesn't matter. I love football. Geelong ended up belting Port Adelaide by a record 119 points, and I had picked Port to win, and broke their 44 year premiership drought.

After the footy we all did some gardening. I thought I heard some noisy yahoos out the front and wondered if I should lock the front door. Walked around the front of the house and noticed the mailbox on a strange angle and two roadside trees had been damaged.

Mailbox damage.

Another angle of the mailbox damage.

Tree damage.

A second tree was damaged also.


I was pretty wild after that and called the local ranger. Not that they can do a lot about it. Miky went for a walk to see if anyone else was affected and it was just our property. It really makes me wonder if we are being targeted. If I get my hands on whoever did this I'll ring their bloody neck.

Simone Warne - Is Anyone Surprised?

A few months back Shane Warne, international cricketer and sleaze, and his wife Simone, blonde with big tits, split up. They'd been married for about 10 years and he'd been caught being unfaithful. Logically you would split. She dumped him and quite rightly so.

This lasted a while but then the women's magazines were talking about a reconciliation. The words "dumb" and "bitch" immediately sprang to mind. But, get back together they did. Is anyone surprised that he's been caught again? And the first thing Simone did was run to the women's mags to blab about it. I'm afraid that she's caught up in how important she thinks everyone else thinks her scandalous husband is. The money can't be too bad. She's trying very hard to be the celebrity when she's not in that field. Heck, she's only famous because she was married to Warne in the first place. Why on earth did she get back together with him in the first place? And will we ever hear the end of her "Poor me" story?

I don't feel sorry for you. I think you have shown the world how stupid you can be and it's time to get control of your life and keep it out of the headlines.

The Ring

Met the missus for lunch yesterday, as planned. The ring wasn't quite ready when we arrived at the shop so we went for lunch first. Miky thought that the restaurant would be quiet, being a Thursday, but pensioners receive a special discount on Thursdays so the place was quite packed. Not that it was loud and full of yahoos though.

Back to the jeweller's shop. The ring was there. It looked magnificent. The saleslady asked me how I wished to pay for it, after I had handed over my credit card, to which I replied, "As slowly as possible." She ripped it through the EFTPOS machine and said that she would make it, "Quick and painless."

Then we wandered down to SeoulMart so that Miky could buy some thinly sliced beef for a Korean BBQ for tea. I said that I was going to the bus stop to go back to work but I really planned to go to a florist. I ducked off, found a nice bouquet, and had them delivered.

The flowers went down well. It's only taken me 10 years to learn but I'm getting there.

Tenth Anniversary

It's our tenth anniversary today. I think we've done rather well. From the moment I met my wife I knew she was the one. It must have had something to do with the fact that she spoke to me and didn't ignore me like all the other women.

We married after knowing each other for less than a year so to mark up 10 years we must have done something right. I don't know if the poor girl knew what she was getting into. She obviously saw some potential there and, to be truthful, has realised some of it. I never thought that we were rushing into anything but it all seemed to fall into place quite easily.

For a pleasant change we will meet in the city today to have lunch. Then it's a visit to the parole officer, er, the bank manager, to take take out that second mortgage so that I can pay for the ring we're going to pick up. I must say that the missus has deserved it. Ten years of putting up with me and she probably deserves a medal. I'm guessing that with murder and good behaviour she could be let out now so I'd better ask her if she's made the right choice.

Anyway, better go. Have to rewrite a Christmas card as an anniversary card because I haven't bought one and because I have a reputation to uphold.

What Do You Do When The Law Enforcers Break The Law?

In this country it is illegal to use a mobile phone whilst driving. The studies show that you are four times more likely to have an accident in this situation. Those figures probably relate to just talking on the mobile. I've seen numerous people texting whilst on the freeway. That opens my eyes.

You can imagine how astounded I was yesterday to see a police divisional van pull into the police headquarters with the driver on his mobile phone. There were at least two passengers and everyone was in a uniform. Karl O'Callahan, our police commissioner, this is something you should hear about. Three law enforcement officers with one breaking the law and two doing nothing about it. What is the common man supposed to do in this situation?

Email Material

I don't generally publish material from others but thought that this was good enough to share with the world. So, I'm not taking any credit for writing this - it's just something funny that came via email.

2007 Australian Citizenship Test

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ____
b) You're going home in the back of a ___
c) Fair crack of the ______
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring-your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
22. What does “Sinkin’ piss at a mate’s joint and getten’ para” mean?

You may copy your mates answers, please submit this back to me when you have had a fair old crack.
You must have a pass rate of 45%

Australian Red Cross Blood Service Slogan Versus Sperm Bank Slogan

The Australian Red Cross Blood Service has an interesting slogan;

"It takes someone special to donate blood."

Now I'm assuming that the Sperm Bank slogan would go something like this;

"You don't need to be special to donate sperm. Any old wanker can do it."

Did anyone mention discrimination issues here?