Guns Versus Speedos

So the bad boys of Australian swimming, Nick D'Arcy and Kenrick Monk, got in trouble posting a photo taken of them posing with guns. Not a good look before the Olympic Games considering their reputations. Swimming Australia issued a take down notice so that the photo was removed and apparently they've been banned from using Facebook, Twitter and Blogger during the Olympics. And they need to leave the Olympic village early. What sort of uproar would there be if Michael Diamond, champion shooter, posted a photo of himself in Speedos? Would he be subject to a similar take down notice? One thinks not. Guns vs Speedos meme Here's my attempt at a meme on the subject.

We Now Return You To Your Normal Programming

Now that the Beijing Olympic Games has drawn to a close you will be subjected to the usual amount of crass public commentary, silly jokes and observations of pathetic behaviour that you have become accustomed to.

And the first observation of pathetic behaviour of note is that of the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. At the handover of the IOC flag from China he ponced around with his hand in his pocket, didn’t hold the flag pole correctly so that he could wave it and after shaking the hand of IOC President Jacques Rogge he just saluted the Chinese official. I was a little astounded at his ignorance of official decorum and lack of dignity. Is this what we have to look forward to with the London 2012 Olympics? Let’s hope not. They won’t be perfect like Beijing 2008 as that’s not the British way. Stiff upper lip through all the balls-ups, and all that.

Olympic Games and Pamela Anderson

They're huge, they're exciting, they're awesome and they're quite spectacular but there's a lot of fake about them. Yes, I'm talking about the Olympic Games. Much like Pamela Anderson's breasts they are for the enjoyment of millions of people worldwide but you can't help but feel a bit deflated knowing the truth.

Yesterday I read that the little Chinese girl who sang "Ode to the Motherland" at the opening ceremony was only lip-synching. The girl singing the song, and even that was a pre-recorded performance, was deemed to be not cute enough to show her face.

And then I discovered that the very impressive fireworks had incorporated some digitised images because it was too difficult to actually make fireworks look like footprints.

I know that cities are supposed to "stage" the Olympics but this takes the meaning a bit too literally. And to think that the Chinese had the biggest worry of drug cheats. When you cheat with the Olympics itself isn't that worse? The whole thing is a little too controlled for my liking.

Go the athletes. It has been superb so far.

Olympic Games Opening Ceremony - Congratulations China, Shame Australian Channel 7

It was with much anticipation that we greeted the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Greyjing, er, Beijing.

I was most impressed with the 2008 drummers. The missus was scared as they appeared so regimented and communist. Powerful performance to say the least.

Some 15000 performers were used. I wonder where all of the costumes were made. Surely not in China?

Loved the kids bringing the Chinese flag to the soldiers who then goose-stepped their way to the flagpole. Then came an announcement in French, followed in English which said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the Chinese national anthem," and then a message in Mandarin was broadcast. Roughly translated I guess it said, "Stand up or you will be shot!"

The young girl who was supposed to be playing the piano with one of the world's best pianists, who by coincidence just happened to be Chinese, who became awestruck by the audience, well, I guess she'll never see her parents again after letting her country down so badly.

Enjoyed the people running around like Christmas trees and forming the image of the dove.

I thought that when the performers in white were rushing around that there was going to be a mention of Tiananmen Square in China's history but there was not a tank to be seen.

I enjoyed the performance that the Chinese laid on. The art and fireworks were great. So much history and so little time to show it.

But the truly sad performance of the night came from the Australian commentators on Channel 7 - Sandy Roberts and Bruce MacAvaney. I'm sorry to discover that they're both South Australians.

The first gaff came when Greece entered the arena. Instead of informing us about the stars of the Greek team, the flag bearer, the history of the country at the Olympics, etc, Sandy could only mention that the Greeks had been beset by drug problems and that 11 of their athletes had been caught in drug testing recently. What a disgrace. If Australia was located next to Greece I'm sure this would have been cause for an international incident.

Bruce pronounced Panama as "Pa-nay-muh". Panaymuh? What sort of a wanker is he? He's supposed to be the quintessential sports caster, or "Mastercaster" as some refer to him, and he comes up with Panaymuh?! Doesn't he watch Channel 7's Prison Break which is set in Panama? Not very special, Bruce.

Bruce's introduction of another country left a lot to be desired. Obviously geography wasn't a stong point of his at school as he told Australia that the Central African Republic was a middle-African country. It's a good thing he did or other people not familiar with countries outside of their own borders may have thought that it was in Eastern Europe or Central America.

Perhaps the funniest moment of the opening ceremony was the announcement that the Chinese word for "harmony" was pronounced in Mandarin as "huh". Huh? Yes, what is harmony exactly? We've got two weeks to find out.

What's The Koreans' Excuse - They've Had The Olympics?

I've received a few emails lately asking me "Is China ready for the Olympics?" even though some are Japanese signs and others are Korean. My missus picked up a copy of Perth Journal, a new publication for Koreans in Perth, and it is littered with typos. Literally every second advertisement has an error. They need a proofreader, that for sure.

So what is the Koreans' excuse? They've already had the Olympics.


The Perth Journal's disclaimer says that the information was correct at press time. Don't ask me where the mistakes entered the picture.

Arirang - I think it's situated at No. 93. But that should be Barrack St (nice restaurant).

Seoul Buffet - What day of the week is Tuse? Maybe it is the day you would tuse to go?

Sinabro - For those of you on a see food (and eat it) diet, enjoy your meet and chacoral BBQ. Be warned as it is colsed on Monday.

Tile Friends Co. - I wanna get me some of the latest follr tiles.

Meijin Garage - For all your boody parts.

Midori - Books essencial.

Ninniku Jip - They're in form for lunch. (Great restaurant!)

Seizan - Funtions are held down staire.

Newest Olympic Sport

There should be a new Olympic sport at this years Beijing Olympics. Protesting should make its official Olympic debut. Several countries are partaking in qualifying events in the lead up to the Games. France and the United Kingdom have been at the forefront and the United States has just picked its representatives. Tibet will have a strong field, if allowed into the Olympic Village.

For those of you not familiar with the sport of protesting it borrows much from many other sports. There are elements of wrestling, fencing (or walling - remember the Great Wall of China? It's not just there to keep out the rabbits.), taekwondo and shooting. Let's not forget the discus-like tear gas canister throwing and the cheering on of the team by supporters. One popular rallying cry at the moment is "Free Tibet!"

Competition for places on the teams is fierce and it might even be easier to obtain a position in one of the relay teams. I'm still expecting China to take the gold medal in this event but it will be closely fought. Literally.

Happy Chinese New Year

Today marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year. Has it ever occurred to you, as it has to me, that the Chinese appear to be a little confused? Is this some sort of plot by the Communist Party in China to keep the people of the republic in a state of confusion so that they can't get on the road to democracy? I think that the Communist Party may influence when the new year starts and change it every year so that people don't know what day it is.

I fear for the 2008 Olympic Games. All of the athletes from other nations will turn up and the Games won't start. The Chinese will still be in 2007. Only once the disillusioned athletes have returned home will the Communist Party declare it is 2008, start the Games, and Chinese athletes will win every event and therefore the Games. Clever plan, eh?

Maybe all this confusion comes about because of a translation mistake with Confucius. The Chinese believe that they must be confused instead of Confucionists.

Confused? Perhaps you are like 1.3 billion of the world's population.