Tree Fellers

No, this isn't a posting about three fellas. We had a couple of palm trees out the front of the house. They'd become too big to prune the fronds off, which were very difficult to cut anyway, and there was the possibility that they were a danger to the house should they get blown over. There used to be three but I pushed one over by hand a while back. The two that were left weren't so easy to remove, which was a good thing.

On Saturday I bought an axe in Bunnings. Actually, I felt like "The Man" walking around the shop carrying an axe as no-one would want to take me on. Strange that you can walk around within the confines of a shop with what could be deemed a weapon and nobody takes the slightest bit of notice.

It was a nice day yesterday so out came the axe. I tied a rope around the tree so that I could guide its fall. There were quite a few small plants within the fall zone and there was also the dividing wall to be concerned about. Palm tree wood is very soft and moist. In fact, the bark is tougher than the inner part of the tree. I obviously own a pair of office worker's hands as they blistered very quickly. And badly. The Boy managed to capture a decent video of the first palm tree coming down. He assisted me with the second one and was surprised at how big the tree was and how fast it comes down at you.

Trees beforehand

One down, one to go

I'm paying for it this morning with painful hands missing a bit of skin. Might not even be able to do training tonight, dammit. It was good fun though. Have to chop up the trees a few more time into a manageable size so that they can go in the next green collection. Quite a bit of work to do and I need to wait until my hands recover. At least my back survived the exercise.


Timber!!!!

Blistered hand

The other blistered hand

Something Strange Is Happening

As the summer transfer window nears its final stages, something strange is happening. Eurosport. Eurosport is happening. And it is strange. Very strange.

Methinks there's a little bit of content needed for this article. Or did they just decided to forgo the padding and print a full quality article?

As the summer transfer window nears its final stages, something strange is happening.

Great News - Kim Kardashian Is Married

Isn't it wonderful news that Kim Kardashian is married? In fact, it's such a relief. Well, I think it is. Coz I won't have to listen to any more rubbish about "Kim Kardashian's upcoming wedding" and the angst and anxiety that went with it.

Who is this woman, whose show I've never seen, that has become huge worldwide and even more annoying in a publicity-seeking manner than Paris Hilton? Did anyone think that that was actually possible?

Is Kris Humphries going to be paid by some strange equal opportunity cult to change his name to Kris Kardashian? Let's face it, if you didn't know that he was a New Jersey Nets basketballer, you might as well know him as Mr Kim Kardashian.

I'm sickened to hear that this couple is banking $17.9 million for various rights to the coverage of their wedding.

Unfortunately, even though I won't have to hear much more about the upcoming wedding I'm sure there'll be more than enough drivel about the following:

Honeymoon news
First fight news
Kiss and make up news
Trying for baby news
Breakup news
Splitsville news
New lover news

Then there's always the 3rd, 4th and 5th husband news (I only found out on Wikipedia's page about Kim that she was previously married).

Is there no end to this crap? Gee, so much of world hunger could be stopped if the money being thrown at this "celebrity" was used in a better manner. What has the world come to?

Honey, Your Drug Dealer Called

I was cooking tea last night when my wife's mobile rang. She didn't know who it was and spoke for a short time before hanging up. Then she asked if I had called her as someone had put on a strange voice and she thought that it must have been me. A quick look into the kitchen revealed that I was turning fish over in the fry pan at that time so it certainly wasn't me.

Very soon after the phone rang again and the missus wanted me to answer it. The caller ID flashed "Withheld" as the name/number. Hm, not looking promising as the person obviously has something to hide. The guy said his name was Vladimir, Vladimir Korso. Funny how he had an African accent. I asked him why he was calling and he replied, "Have you got my money ready?"
"You mean your drug money that I gave you an IOU for?" I asked, trying to add a bit of humour to the silly situation that was developing.
"Yes, for the cocaine I sold you last week."
I informed this guy that he had the wrong number and should check again before recalling.
"But I can sense it," he said.
At this stage I told him that his senses needed checking and goodbye.

What sort of a drug dealer takes an IOU for a sale?

Save The Children Giant Book Sale

The annual Save The Children Giant Book Sale is on this weekend in Perth. It's being held at Winthrop Hall at UWA and finishes on Wednesday. Get in, grab lots of bargains, help out this worthy charity and get reading! I have.

Photo Album on Facebook.

Good To See That The AFL Draft Is Evening Up The Competition

Isn't it good to see that all of the equalisation actions brought about by the AFL, such as the salary cap, draft concessions, the draft, priority picks, etc, is evening up the competition? We had three weekends in a row whereby the winner was victorious by 150 points or more. It is unusual for a team to actual score 150 points in an AFL match let alone win by that margin.

I remember one such match, way back in 1987 when I was still at school, when I was confident that Essendon would beat Sydney. So confident in fact that I bet five bucks to a schoolmate that they'd win. I couldn't understand why he took the bet. History shows that Sydney kicked the then highest score in the competition, 236 points, and won by a whopping 163 points. Yes, I don't so much as bet on the footy these days as I learnt a valuable lesson that day. And I did hand over the money.

Getting back to my point. I read an article entitled "You reap what you sow" and it places much of the blame for lopsided results at the hands of the administrators of the game. The article pointed out that before this season there had only been 14 matches with a winning margin of 150 points or greater. The AFL.ALLTHESTATS.COM Greatest Margins Website shows that there were 15, other than the three (so far) this season. What really surprised me, and what I was looking for in the first instance after reading the article above, was the earliest margin of 150 points. I can't quite believe that it dates back to 1899 when the game was still in its infancy. We had to wait another 32 years before seeing a win like that again.

And here was me thinking that these big wins had only come about in an age of big, strong men playing the game against a group of boys. It also happened a long time prior to professionalism taking over the game.

Signs On The Bus

I quite like some of the advertising that's on the buses within our public transport network. Most of them are aimed at the travelling public telling them how to behave but at least they are entertainging and get the message across. Take note advertisers.

We've all had to put up with people whose music is too loud.

Jack and Jill - how many times have you been inconvenienced by other travellers?

Plenty of graffidiots about - probably not smart enough to finish reading this.

Interesting couple of bus trips last week starring the same driver. An older lady, late 40s perhaps, who wears gloves and doesn't take any crap from anyone. As soon as I got on the bus she tooted the driver in front who hadn't reacted to the light change. Fair enough. Some weirdo got on and couldn't find his concession card so he asked her to wait. He jumped off the bus and checked the papers on the ground at the bus stop before finding his replacement paper in his pocket and began to explain that he's always losing his card and that this replacement was until his card was replaced. The driver got sit of this and took off and told him to move back. She obviously didn't want to hear his story. Later on some people were standing too close to the door and blocking the exit of others. The driver came out of her cabin and yelled at them, "Where are you getting off? Sit down and stop blocking the door so that people can get off the bus." The offenders sat down and didn't move.

Two days later, with the same driver, a young guy with earplugs got on. Everyone on the bus could hear his music. At the next set of lights the driver yelled out, "Who's playing loud music?"
"What?" he replied.
The she came out of the cabin and lectured us all on why they put the signs up in the buses - see Little Jack Horner pic. He turned the volume down so that I was unable to hear it, quick smart.

I love this bus driver.

What Exactly Do They Have For Sale?

A local car dealer had a sale recently. I dare say that it cost them quite a few dollars to set up as fencing isn't cheap and the advertising banners look like they cost a couple of hundred dollars each.

I did the Marketing 101 unit at university so I have some basic idea regarding advertising. OK, the banners state the a car sale is going on so that much is clear. I would have thought that you'd want to show the product being sold. Or was that the ploy to get people in the gate? Don't tell them what is for sale and human curiosity will do the rest? What exactly do they have for sale?

What's going on?

It's not all that clear what they have for sale.

How did the sale go? The banners were only erected for one weekend and the lot has been cleared by a third to half of stock. I'd say it was quite successful. What do I know about marketing? Or did they just remove the stock whilst the banners were in place and the public were unable to see just to give us the impression that they've had a great sale? I'm not convinced yet.

Flash Cars Are Just Penis Extensions

You've seen them before. Those guys who are owners of micro-penises and just have to have the big car that acts as a penis extension. Without the flash car they don't feel like real men.

The other day whilst out for a walk at lunchtime I saw a very nice Ferrari drive past. OK, there aren't a lot of Ferraris that don't look very nice, granted. But the driver was going past at about 40~50kms/h and sped up to the 60 limit. Maybe, just maybe, he put it into second gear. This car must have been worth three or four hundred thousand dollars, and looked every bit of it, but the guy was driving within the speed limit and can't use it to full value.

My question is - what good is a penis extension if you can't get a hard-on?

Dollards? What Are Dollards?

Thank you Google News for bringing another fabulous headline to our attention. Look out you energy inefficient homeowners as you may lose thousands of dollards.

What the heck are dollards?

It's Almost As Though Perthites Have Never Seen Rain

It's rained on 14 out of the last 18 days in Perth. A few days back I tried to buy a replacement umbrella as my expensive golf brolly had bitten the dust. The local Bunnings warehouse had all sold out. That meant getting wet a couple of times before purchasing a travel brolly. I was unable to find a proper umbrella at another Bunnings warehouse, at Kmart, at Coles, at Officeworks or at Woolies. You'd think that people in Perth, Perthites, had never seen rain.

With another four days of rain forecast it looks like I might get wet a couple more times yet.

Somebody's Got A Fat Cat

Either someboday has a fat cat or they haven't repaired their car from the hail damage in March 2010! I think it's the latter but it makes me laugh to think that it could be the former.

Fat cat paw prints?

And Where Exactly Is Sputh Australia?

Classic headline from Google News this morning. I wonder just where exactly is Sputh Australia?

Where The Bloody Hell is Sputh Australia?

Has Ricky Nixon Had A Sex Change Operation?

Ricky Nixon, no stranger to controversy following the incident with the "St Kilda schoolgirl", has hit the headlines again. Months ago it was alleged that he was having an affair, and using drugs, with a teenager who had had sex with numerous footballers including a couple from Saint Kilda. The allegations tarnished his career as a football player manager, which led to his loss of a player manager licence, and the downfall of his marriage.

The headline, coupled with a photo of a woman, had me wondering - "Has Ricky Nixon had a sex change operation?" Probably not as the woman is none other than Christine Nixon, former Victorian Police Chief. The Google News aggregator has struck again.

Has Ricky Nixon had a sex change operation?