Michael Jackson is Dead

I was a little surprised to see the news this morning that Michael Jackson was dead. The story was broken by gossip site TMZ but was unconfirmed by other sources. So I didn’t take it too seriously. I mean, how many celebrities past their use-by date create some headline to make themselves newsworthy? But it has been confirmed.

I guess the autopsy would make interesting reading. That is, if only they could cut the body open.

There was a report that he had skin cancer. I’m afraid that that wouldn’t have killed him as it wasn’t his skin so he would have been unaffected.

There’s no truth to the rumour that Michael Jackson has faked his own death so that he can move to Thailand where he can actually afford the little boys. None whatsoever.

What a climax to his life though. A warped talent that he was. Now hear this – I’m almost certain that one of his albums will be No. 1 somewhere within three weeks. His album sales will be huge in the coming month and the record companies won’t be able to churn them out quickly enough. That’s probably just what he needed to pay off his debts – die.

Heath Ledger - You Pill(ock)

What a dill Heath Ledger is/was. He was found dead this morning in, apparently, Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment, or so the earlier stories went. I believe this may have been retracted. I had my suspicions when I heard that he was surrounded by sleeping pills and not diet pills. I guess we won't be hearing about this on E!-Online, or is that E-News!, as it has nothing to do with ecstasy. I did read that he's been linked recently with Lindsay Lohan but obviously there is no substance in that report. He mustn't have had the connections in Hollywood if he ended it all with sleeping pills and not something a bit harder.

I'm starting to think that maybe he was a Kiwi and not an Aussie. One news report claims he's a Perth boy whereas another tells of his troubles with the paparazzi in his hometown of Sydney. If all of Australia is claiming him then he must be a successful Kiwi.

I blame the Catholic Church for Heath Ledger's death. If they allowed masturbation he would have had a different pastime to while away the hours and boredom instead he resorted to pills.

Do drugs, do yourself in. Idiot. Or pillock. When are these celebrities going to do us a favour and live in the real world? Their fantasy world is not conducive to long, healthy lives.

Stay away from drugs kids. And perhaps the Catholic Church.

Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead

From an early age I was told not to speak ill of the dead. It is considered quite rude to do so. It's not as if they will hear you.

According to the Guinness Books of Records 1/13th of the people who have ever lived are alive today. Now, I just checked out a population clock and it tells me that there are 6.606056697 billion people in the world - 21:59 GMT on July 18th 2007. Doing a bit of maths I arrive at the figure of 86 billion people that have ever lived, or, to put it another way, some 79 billion that lived and are now dead.

If you can't speak ill of the dead you are missing out on 92% of the target audience. That seems quite unfair and I think this unwritten law should be scrapped.

Anyway, I think that it is sad when a celebrity dies and then they only become better known once they are dead. My mum told me recently that Stan Zemanek was dying from cancer. Who? Then the reports on the news and online media published photos of him, sans hair, and I still didn't know who he was. Following his death they showed clips of him on a tv show - Beauty and the Beast, and then I realised who he was. A rather loud-mouthed, argumentative, opinionated self-promoter. Why didn't mum say that the first time around? It's only now that he's dead I know who he is.

And to think that I'm not allowed to say anything unkind about him.