I wish you had told me your feelings, your thoughts, your needs.
I wish you had told me of your depression, your battles, your inner war.
I wish you had told me of what you considered your failures.
I wish you had told me of your desire to end it all.
That would have given me the chance to say goodbye.
The chance to tell you what you meant to your friends, your family, your mates.
The chance to tell you that it won't solve anything.
The chance to tell you of your worth, of why and how much you would be missed.
I could have reminded you of the great mateship during school.
I could have reminded you of the Friday nights playing table tennis until very late in the evening listening to the latest music.
I could have reminded you of the night when a bunch of us sat around the fire and cracked a dawnie listening to Carolyn on 5TCBFM and you were chatting up the host.
I could have reminded you of the birthday party at your house when we put a little of each party food into a bottle only to open the foul stench a year later.
I could have reminded you of the of the parody songs we wrote and sang together.
I could have reminded you of the car trip we took to Adelaide and after being stopped due to a fire I almost drove off without you as you were buckling a child into the car.
I could have reminded you of the time I caught up with you in Adelaide at work so that we could go out for lunch.
I could have reminded you of all the times we just sat around and talked shit.
I could have reminded you of the time we went to the public telephone and tried to call people in Yorkey's Knob to make fun of them and you got some old lady who wasn't impressed.
I could have reminded you of the 100m final on sports day where I shot out of the blocks only for you to thunder past me before the line.
I could have reminded you of the nickname you created for my sister, The Legendary Swamp Monster, and the fact that she liked it.
I could have reminded you of the design you made in year 4 (or was it 5?) for the Bugs Bunny Cross-Your-Heart Air-Conditioned Bra.
I would have made you laugh.
I would have made you think.
I would have made you change your mind, to believe that life was worth living.
If only I had had that chance to say goodbye.
You would still be here.
You would still be my mate.
You would still make me laugh instead of the crying I do for you now.
You would still be a brother of another mother.
We'd still be talking shit.
We'd still be laughing.
Wishing I had a chance to say goodbye.
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