More On Tiger Woods

Or should I say "Moron, Tiger Woods"?

Every time a golfer lines up for a putt in the vicinity of 50 feet or more, there is a race to be the first idiot to yell, "In the hole!" At Tiger's next tournament I'd like to hear somebody say, "In the wrong hole!"

Rachel Uchitel has been offered, allegedly, $1m to shut up about their affair. I wonder if she has been given money to change her name by deed poll to Rachel Donchatell.

What's Tiger Woods's favourite score? A 69 of course. (I'm sure that someone must have come up with that previously).

His scorecard isn't the only thing full of birdies. Only thing is that he has phone numbers next to them.

Maybe we should all leave him alone. He has a problem. A problem that he's seeking to address. Somehow I don't think the cure is to be found amongst a bevy of tall, buxom white women. But he's sure trying hard.

What Do You Call...?

Q1. What do you call a man who's an atheist?
Q2. What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
Q3. What do you call a man who sits outside your front door?
Q4. What do you call a man with a coloured birth spot?
Q5. What do you call a man with five balaklavas and a helmet?


A1. Godfrey (Thought of that one myself, I did).
A2. Russell.
A3. Matt.
A4. Mark.
A5. Anything you like because he can't hear you.

Troy Buswell - Opposition Leader Is The Butt Of Jokes

Little wonder that Troy Buswell is the "butt" of jokes at the moment. He's currently the Opposition Leader in Western Australia and has dreams of becoming Premier at the next election. But his past is catching up with him. And he's been a bit of a lad.

Just before he led a revolt in the Liberal Party with the result being a leadership spill and he moved from being deputy leader to the leadership role he was almost brought to his knees following revelations that he used an old-fashioned party trick, that of snapping the bra of a Labor party staff member, in Parliament whilst drunk. Surprisingly he still won the leadership ballot.

Only a couple of days ago it was alleged by the Sunday Times newspaper that he had sniffed the chair of a female staffer about two years ago. He refused to confirm or deny the "unsubstantiated, anonymous rumours". Then the next day he fronts the media and just stands there blubbering before finally admitting that he had sniffed the woman's chair. And the Liberal Party thought that they were in trouble prior to these incidents being raised?

Q. What does Troy Buswell take for his hayfever?
A. Seat covers.

New job role for former State Liberal Party leader:
- Spokesperson for Kleenex tissues
- The advertising face for Zyrtec and Claratyne
- Trainer for Customs dogs (beagles) at airports
- Job as a detective as he likes "sniffing around"
- Overseas diplomat, "Jobs for the boys", as he's certainly one of the boys

I was disappointed that there were no hard-hitting questions from journalists.
- What's the best nasal decongestant on the market?
- Do you also sniff bike seat covers?
- Who's the best smelling woman in Parliament?
- Do you have a large doghouse where you live?

Can't see him surviving too long as leader of the Opposition and certainly can't see him becoming Premier.

Even More Ben Cousins Jokes

Q. Did you hear that Ben Cousins has picked up an acting gig whilst he's in America for rehab?
A. He'll be a special guest on the family comedy "Happy Daze".

If Ben Cousins worked for McDonalds they would change their annoying slogan to "Would you like coke with that?"

Since Ben Cousins started working at McDonalds sales of coke have gone throught the nose, er, roof. It's nothing to be snorted at.